REVIEW: ‘Holidate’ is an unfunny, miserable time-waster

“Holidate” is a clunky romantic comedy that tries to be self-aware but mainly comes across like a mean-spirited Hallmark movie.

The movie, which was released on Netflix on Wednesday, centers around two single people looking for dates around celebrations to “avoid this stupid pressure and all the judgment” of the holidays.

Sloane, played by Emma Roberts of “American Horror Story,” and Jackson, played by Luke Bracey of “Hacksaw Ridge,” both recently ended relationships and are trying to avoid family confrontations and strings attached, respectively. All of that could have been endearing — if any of the characters were written like people, or at the very least, funny people.

The main issue is that every single person in the film is an insufferably awful person, and not in the way shows such as “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” derive humor from characters’ bad actions. But what “Holidate” finds to be humorous is laughing at the characters’ misery as they stumble their way into relationships.

For instance, Jackson’s first appearance in the film has him leaving the house of a woman who had just coerced him into having sex with her, which was just played for laughs, and the rest of the movie goes on as if it never happened.

In the first “holidate” of the film, Sloane accidentally flashes herself to a group of people at a New Years’ Eve party. The comedy of the film stems from the pain of the humiliation of the characters rather than the absurdity of the situation, which basically negates the attempts at feel-good moments in the movie.

The idea of combining the gross-out, Adam Sandler-esque humor with sincere moments of romance has the film immensely confused in what it’s trying to accomplish. This mixed signaling is particularly noticeable at the climax of the film, when Sloane had accidentally been given laxatives by her sister at a Halloween party.

As Sloane gets progressively worse stomach pains, Jackson rushes her back to her apartment. Just before she can reach her toilet, however, she defecates herself off-camera. Immediately after, we hear Roberts’ character cry out in embarrassment from the bathroom door, and the film cuts to him rinsing her off in the shower.

This moment of sincerity falls flat after the audience had just seen a grown woman trying to tear off a Halloween costume because she was about to soil herself.

Romantic comedies can still be funny even if poorly-written, but “Holidate” cannot overcome the cast of unlikable characters it has. The acting was fine, although the only possible outcome of that screenplay on film is a waste of time and money.

Every single relationship shown in the film is toxic: Sloane’s brother’s relationship suffers from bad communication issues, Sloane’s sister cheats on her husband and Sloane’s aunt uses the holidate concept as a means to avoid her fear of messing up relationships by having them be no-strings-attached. This could all have been ignored, however, if it were not for the fact that there is no reason to be rooting for Sloane and Jackson, the main couple of the movie.

Sloane refuses to open herself up in relationships while Jackson wants to be vulnerable, and in a vacuum, these are not bad qualities to have. Sloane and Jackson, however, decide to lash out as a result of these frustrations, making them appear to be a toxic coupling. They are a boring couple to watch, solely because they never feel like a couple until the end of the movie, but rather two snarky adults who kind of hate each other.

The point of romantic comedies like “Holidate” is to have the viewer turn their mind off as they watch two people fall in love. “Holidate” didn’t need to be smart or logically consistent. It just needed to be funny or endearing, but it never got to that point. The film is just an hour-and-43-minute-long exercise in watching two obnoxious people lie to themselves and each other about their romantic feelings. A complete waste of time.