I was never really into romance growing up.
My parents used to make jokes that my future husband would have to be the most charming guy in the world to win my heart. During sleepovers, I remember having to select a boy in our class at random to have a crush on because everyone else was gushing about theirs.
Even the books my friends would recommend didn’t interest me — “The Fault in Our Stars” didn’t make me cry, “Eleanor & Park” was boring and “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” didn’t make my heart race.
I always seemed to like shows that either didn’t have any romance or had barely any at all. One of my earliest memories is of wearing pajamas and sneaking out into the living room to watch the anime “Princess Tutu.” My favorite scene was the pas de deux —a ballet duet — between the two female leads, Duck and Rue. I used to rewatch that scene religiously, although it wouldn’t be until middle school that I would realize why I was so enamored with it.
It was in the nearly condemned building of my middle school that I encountered my first openly queer character: Nico di Angelo, son of Hades, who reveals he’s gay in “The House of Hades.” At the time, I didn’t even know what the word “gay” meant, nor was it exactly a term my parents wanted us to hear. It wasn’t even a word uttered in the book itself, it was something I had to look up.
I had friends who dropped the book series after that, citing how “weird” it was. But instead of feeling disgust, or confusion, or hatred — I simply felt like I had an epiphany.
My first ever crush was on a girl who sat across from me on the bus for a field trip in sixth grade. I used to stalk her Instagram, timing my likes to make sure it wasn’t obvious that I had notifications on for her posts.
I still have the journal I used to write poems about her hair in. In the margins of those poems are doodles of me as Duck and her as Rue, and in a corner of the internet that I will not name, there still exists fanfiction of us as demigods in the “Percy Jackson” universe. You know, normal sixth grader things.
And now that you know more about me than my mother, I should probably introduce myself.
Hi, my name is Kal Hawley. I’m 18 years old, and I am so, so queer. And whether you are too, or you’re not sure yet, or you’re just bored and scrolling through The Daily Free Press, I hope this column can help you find something a little more interesting than a forced romance between two characters who really were better as friends or the “shy girl inexplicably wins the heart of popular guy” trope.
“You Had Me at ‘It’s Gay’” is a column celebrating any and all media (books, TV shows, movies, video games, anime, etc.) that either has a queer main character or has queer ideas and identities as one of its main themes. It will also focus on less popular pieces of media, so no “Heartstopper” or “Bottoms” reviews. (Sorry!) My hope is to not only help other queer viewers out there find new content to enjoy, but to help some of the overlooked queer stories shine.
I’ll also be changing my focus weekly — so, if I talk about a book with a gay main character one week, then the next week I’d talk about an anime with a trans lead or a podcast about being aromantic.
I am just so excited to share my love of queer stories to the world. And I’d love to share your favorite stories, as well! In the meantime, I look forward to all of my future fanpersoning, and I hope you look forward to some sinfully bad puns.
Sinqueerly yours,
Kal
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