Listen — I’m not saying that dating to marry is the worst advice I’ve ever heard when it comes to relationships, but it’s certainly not one I would live and die by.
Yes, I know. Hook-up culture is a major deal to some people, especially those who are looking for a meaningful relationship only to be hit in the face with something casual. This bids the question: should we really be so quick to trap ourselves in the marriage bubble?
My take may counter popular opinion but I’m going to say it — I think it’s okay to have fun with dating.
But what about hookup culture?
As I mentioned earlier, everyone is very put-off by the fact that there is a new social trend going around where people will make out or have sex one time –– though nothing ever comes of it.
This can be tricky if you’re someone who gets attached easily or is looking for something serious. In some capacity, it’s hard to not treat the other person like a sexual object in these scenarios.
However, I think people often conflate a hookup with dating casually. This kind of relationship is more relaxed than a regular relationship and has significantly lower commitment. The goal is to have fun, spend time with one another and test your compatibility. This of course isn’t for everyone, but it’s not as cut and dry as a quick hookup.
What I’m saying is this: don’t think that any person you share a little bit of romance or physical intimacy with is the one you have to marry. Love is so much more than getting physical.
They’re staring, aren’t they?
You’re probably thinking to yourself: if I have had multiple partners, people are certainly going to judge me, right? And while I do think there is some social stigma behind having more than two to three exes in your lifetime, the focus shouldn’t be how other people perceive you.
I’m not saying that you should aim to have as many partners as you can, but don’t be afraid to date a few people before you settle on “the one.”
Fishing in the dating pool is similar to finding the perfect shoe. There are so many different styles to choose from, and you sometimes need to try on the different sizes before you find the one that fits you best. If you’re shopping in Steve Madden, no one is going to judge you for how many pairs you look through.
The sea of love is a vast one
Call me crazy, but I hate the idea that by agreeing to date someone, I become shallow or a bad partner if we don’t end up getting married.
I mean, who even goes into a relationship thinking that? Maybe if there was some relationship crystal ball that could tell us before getting involved that things wouldn’t work out, then I could agree with that sentiment.
The thing is, though –– you really never know.
Also –– what’s the big deal if you guys only date for a few months? Human beings are multi-layered, and to expect that you’ll uncover all there is to know about them in several months is just a crazy assumption.
But Analise, what about soulmates?
I’m sorry –– but I don’t believe in soulmates. I think whoever came up with that concept is someone who was afraid of losing their partner so they coined a term that would make them feel indebted to stay.
No one owes anything to another person. Don’t confuse chemistry with familiarity.
There’s a different kind of love for every different kind of person
Just because someone checks a few of your boxes doesn’t mean they’re automatically the love of your life. The kind of love we give is unique and individual to every single one of us. Likewise, there is someone out there who will receive that love in a perfect way.
It’s easy to think that you’re never going to find someone else and that you’re doomed to a life of loneliness. However, given how many hearts that are out there –– I don’t think that’s possible.
My point
Yes, I think it’s stupid to go into a relationship anticipating that you will marry them eventually. I would instead recommend taking your time with the person. Don’t jump to labels or feel like you have to move in together right away.
Learn from each other. Grow with each other. But also observe how they treat you. Just because you date doesn’t mean you can’t break up.
