Navigating the impending doom of graduation

I felt it as soon as I stepped foot on campus again. The wave of nostalgia hit me like a truck, as did the knowledge I was entering my last year at Boston University. 

I’ve felt this impending doom before, as a senior in high school who was also filled with uncertainty. This time though, we’re being pushed out into the actual “real world,”. The safety net of school life will soon be replaced by bills, jobs and the inevitable question: “What’s next?” 

Senior year of college isn’t just about completing my four-year plan or taking finals. It’s also about figuring out where my friends and I will be in eight months, if we’ll keep in touch and what the hell I’m going to do with the rest of my life. There is a bittersweetness that comes with the memories I make this year — they’re heavier, layered with the knowledge that soon, everything will change. 

Feelings of anxiety and sorrow envelop me as I think of what to do next, but a certain type of excitement comes with this period of stress. Even though I am nowhere near ready for it, this next stage of my life gives me a chance to reinvent myself. I’ll meet new people, visit new places and possibly even discover a different version of myself. 

I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, where the fear of falling is just as real as the thrill of flying. That tautness between anxiety and excitement is what defines senior year. Every plan I make feels tentative, as if I’m writing in pencil — ready to erase, start over and rewrite, waiting to see where life takes me. 

Ever since I arrived back at school after summer, each day in Boston feels more significant. Every moment and every interaction is loaded with more emotion, because I know that soon it will all come to an end. Places that are part of my everyday life now carry the weight of all of the memories that I have made during my time here. I feel as if I’m finally opening my eyes and starting to appreciate everything to a deeper extent in a way that I never had before. It’s hard to accept that these experiences, big or small, that have made up the fabric of my college life won’t last forever.

But maybe that is what makes the college experience worth it. College is a time to discover yourself and begin to understand that everything comes to an end. The fact that it’s temporary makes it more valuable. I want to soak in every second I have with my friends. Knowing this is the last period of my life I’ll truly be able to have them close to me makes this year even more special. It’s a bittersweet reminder that, while change can be frightening, it’s essential for growth.

Although I know a lot of us seniors are under a lot of stress, we cannot let the threat of uncertainty make us lose sight of the present. Each goodbye and last experience are a gentle nudge toward the future — a reminder we’re meant to move forward, not stand still. While the idea of stepping into the unknown is intimidating, it also offers a plethora of possibilities.

As a senior, I feel time is slipping away. But instead of letting this thought overwhelm me, I’m going to try and enjoy every little thing this last year brings and to embrace change while also cherishing all the possibilities that lie ahead of me. The future may be uncertain, but that uncertainty holds countless new memories waiting to be made.