Dear Abby: How do I talk to my class crush? I notice them in class everyday but have never talked to them. We often make eye contact, but that’s it. Am I a hopeless romantic, or can I make a move? Help!
So you have a class crush but you’re not sure how to seal the deal? Well, Ask Abby is the perfect woman to come to! What better time to practice my teachings during the month all about love?
Having a class crush is far more interesting but even more challenging in college than in high school. My roommates used to joke that the first day of class was always a big game of smash or pass.
In one sense, the sea of contenders is far more varied. At a university as big as Boston University, you’ll most definitely have at least one new — and hopefully cute — face in your class each semester.
If it’s not a HUB class, there’s an even better chance you’ll share the same major, and in turn, many of the same interests.
But now that we’re all adults and passing notes is “so high school,” I couldn’t help but wonder: how do you approach your class crush in college?
Casual is cool — “we’re in the same class” kind move
You don’t have to jump the gun when you’re trying to learn more about a person you’re interested in. No one is expecting you to come to class with flowers in hand, ready to ask them on a date — that’s definitely breaking a rule on someone’s syllabus.
But also, don’t just sit there! Well, actually, try to sit next to them and strike up some small talk when you can.
Pro tip: if you’re trying to be direct, don’t ask questions about the work — you might be blowing off the fact that you’re actually into them almost completely. Don’t be afraid to get a little more personal: joke about the class, ask them if they’re taking it just to get over the HUB or if it’s for their major — be personable!
If you can’t catch a seat next to them, maybe follow up with them on the way out — in a non-creepy way, of course. Walk with them, and keep that small talk going.
The subtle compliment
“Well, Abby, if I follow them on the way out of the class, what should I say?”
No one is following just anyone out the classroom door — that move alone hints that you’re interested. But if you really want to set things into motion, pull out a very thoughtful, but not creepy, compliment.
It could be something as simple as “You made a really good point in class today,” “How do you always come up with stuff so fast?” or something more specific like, “I like your sense of style.”
Just steer clear of the physical attributes and focus on just them as a person, for now.
The power of eye contact
Are you super shy? Yeah, you and everyone else. But really, if small talk is hard for you, just make eye contact during class.
Maybe give them a little smile, too. You won’t come across as crazy, I promise! It’s little gestures like these that go a long way if you’re someone who takes a while to build up the courage.
Group project = jackpot
Depending on what school you’re in, you might just get lucky with this. Anyone majoring in COM knows that almost everything is a group project. If you can pick your partner, ask your person of interest.
Let’s say you’re in CAS, though — not as many projects, but definitely exams! Ask them to study, like seriously. If they seem down, this is your chance to grab their number and show just how good you are at planning and commitment.
Don’t forget, there is no greater turn-on than work ethic, so be prepared to put your all into this. Maybe an A grade will earn you a first date.
It can’t hurt to be direct, but talk it out first
If you’ve already established a good sense of familiarity with this person — meaning you’ve talked to them almost every class, or you guys have caught up after on your way out — perhaps there really is some chemistry there.
Capitalize on that, but be cool about it. Ask them if they’ve heard about a new movie that’s coming out and offer to take them. Or you could ask them if they like ice cream and offer to show them your favorite spot.
The options are endless, so play to your strengths.
Know when to let go
Not every interaction you have with someone you’re interested in will have some perfect rom-com outcome — this isn’t’ “10 Things I Hate About You.”
If they’ve declined your offer to study or just never follow up, chances are they’re not interested or they’re already seeing someone. This isn’t anything personal — it’s just the way life is. Sometimes, the only thing we can do is get back on the horse when it knocks us down.
My parting thoughts
But if you take away anything from this, let it be that confidence is key.
However, this is not to be confused with being pushy. Don’t continue to force conversations or keep asking for hangouts until they say yes.
Instead, take the high road. Stay cool, calm and collected — make it clear you’re interested but have no intention of coming on too strong. Remember, you simply want to get to know your classmate better.
When you lead with genuine interest and intrigue for a person rather than desperation and desire, you, in turn, become a whole lot more attractive yourself.
With a campus like BU, there is a vast ocean of singles, so don’t miss your chance! Start getting to know your campus crush today!
