Dear Abby: I’ve been seeing this guy for a while, but we’re both graduating this spring — he lives in California, and I’m from Massachusetts. Do you think continuing with the relationship is worth it? Is long distance even really that successful?
I’m glad you brought this up because I’ve been waiting to talk about it for a minute now. It seems like no one wants to do long distance nowadays!
I’ll be the first to admit long distance sucks. I don’t mean that lightly. Sure, distance makes the heart grow fonder, but when distance is prolonged, it might have you questioning if you’re really in a relationship at all.
But here’s my hot take.
When it comes to dating, I don’t always hang my hat on the nearness and touchability factors alone to determine how successful things can be. If anything, I think how you manage being apart really helps to measure how deep your love is.
Don’t let anyone fool you —being too close can be just as detrimental as long distance.
So as many BU power couples are gearing up to graduate, I couldn’t help but wonder if it is worth it to try long distance?
College relationships: Worth it?
Yes, you’re going to college to earn that degree, but let’s not pretend that the chance of meeting someone who could end up being the one isn’t a bonus.
Now, I’m not saying you should put all your relationship hopes in this one basket — please don’t — but let’s agree that college is like a matchmaking buffet. It’s just easier to meet people in that environment.
Between the ages of 18-22, people are actively looking for love. You’ve got newfound independence, an open calendar — unless it’s finals week — and the world feels like it’s yours for the taking. Everyone’s socializing, and suddenly, you’re the pearl in your own little oyster.
Then there’s the “going out” culture.
When you’re working a 9-to-5, the most you might get is an office happy hour. But in a college city? Someone’s throwing a party every weekend, and hitting the bars Thursday through Saturday is practically an art form.
It’s a non-stop social scene that practically begs for love to bloom.
I’m not saying it’s impossible to find love after college — but finding it organically and not through an app — may just make it that much harder. Consider that before you decide to part ways with your university sweetheart.
Too close for comfort
When we have easy access to someone, they are easier to love. Proximity breeds familiarity, and familiarity can breed comfort — sometimes too much of it.
If your special someone is always within reach, it’s easy to slip into a routine. You fall into predictable patterns: dinner at the same time, movie nights on Fridays and those little habits you’ve both grown accustomed to.
While that sounds cozy, it can also make things feel stagnant.
Being too close can cloud the emotional connection because the physical closeness becomes the focus. The relationship can sometimes revolve more around convenience than intentional effort. It’s easy to take each other for granted when the next hangout or conversation is just a step away — that is precisely where the distance and fondness phenomenon comes in.
Long-distance removes that convenience and forces both partners to be intentional about their time, communication and effort.
In many ways, the absence of daily physical proximity can make the moments you do share even more meaningful.
To survive, you have to be more creative, more engaged and more deliberate, which can lead to a much stronger emotional bond. So, don’t split over some space — just hear it out first.
Tricky time zones
If you’ve ever had to take an interview with someone who was Pacific Standard Time and not Eastern Standard Time, you probably know the struggle of trying to make sure your Zoom call is at the right time.
Math and time are just a terrible combination.
So yes, it can be tricky at first to deal with the time switch. No one said long distance was a fun, easy challenge. But it’s learning to roll with the punches — or rolling out of bed on time enough to make a quick phone call — that will strengthen your passion for one another.
I would recommend setting communication expectations weekly. When you’re going to call or setting up virtual dates. Technology has come a long way to bridge the gap across states, so miss me with the excuses.
Don’t pigeonhole yourself in love
One big mistake I see in a lot of relationships today is codependency.
I could talk about this for hours, but please do not settle for simply being someone’s arm candy. You’re an individual who is working towards the process of a degree. You’re smart, and you’re capable.
You can do this.
Never give up your passions, and keep working on your hobbies. If you keep these things with you always, distance will never feel like a make or break.
It’s so easy to forgo the things you love to do in order to be with the one you love — so easy that you might not even notice. Being apart, in any capacity, forces you to keep committed to yourself.
Realize this is not forever
I know a lot of you are wondering: Do I really want to get into something serious if I don’t know where I’ll be a month from now?
If you’re asking Abby, I think the answer is yes.
I just have a feeling that some day you’re going to be married, wake up and see this person’s face every day — and you’re going to think back to when you thought a few months felt like forever. But even more so, you’re going to be thankful you didn’t let a temporarily sucky time put an end to a lifetime of happy moments.
I feel dismissing long-distance relationships entirely misses the opportunity for deeper communication, emotional resilience and personal growth that these relationships can foster.
Don’t panic when life sends you in different directions. Love doesn’t end after college — it might just get a little more interesting with some distance and a whole lot of texting.
