Dear Abby: Is something up with my game? I keep trying to pull all these fine women, but nothing is working, is it me?
Okay, this one is going to be a little hard to write — I’m cringing already.
I’ll be the first to admit that Gen Z has some pretty good slang. In a way, we’ve developed our own subset of a language. But something that’s always bothered me is the way we flirt.
What do you mean I’m “fineeeeee” or “mad pretty”?
Why are you stretching vowels like you’re trying to summon a demon? Why are your compliments delivered like you’re live-tweeting a breakdown?
I’m not offended — I’m just confused. Is this flirting, or are you threatening me?
It feels like we’ve reached a point where saying “you’re gorgeous” feels almost too sincere — like, calm down, Shakespeare, this isn’t a sonnet. Instead, we’ve defaulted to nonchalant, non-romantic and just weird compliments — if you can even call them that.
Perhaps we think we’re doing something by coming up with some pickup lines that are “outside-of-the-box.” But the more I thought about it, I couldn’t help but wonder if when it comes to pet names and flirtation mechanisms, has the modern dating scene lost its touch?
What are we on?
It’s not that Gen Z doesn’t know how to flirt — it’s that we’ve rebranded it into something so complex and self-referential that it often fails to land. We don’t need to abandon our humor or our creativity to be effective, but we do need to bring sincerity back into the equation.
We rant and rave about the old Hollywood style kind of compliments. You know, the “You have the kind of smile that makes people forget what they were saying.”
Okay, I just made that up on the spot — but you get what I mean!
Gen Z is all about customization and individualism.
We want to be different, and we want to stand out — so part of me wonders if these new pickup habits are part of the desire to be more “out there” than the next guy.
But I also think another part of it stems from this very “casual” and almost “uninterested” approach we take to dating. Everyone is afraid of coming on too strong or being direct with how they feel. All I’m saying is Noah wrote Allie 365 letters — one for each day of the year — in “The Notebook,” and look how he made out.
This has all boiled down to our generation being afraid to call someone “beautiful” but are open to going by other mouth-gaping terms of “endearment” — and not in a good way.
Have rizzpect
I’m not hating on all the slang that we use today, I actually find a lot of it funny. But coming from the perspective of a woman, it is a complete turnoff when men dance around a compliment or flirting.
I say if you’re going to commit: own the bit. Otherwise, your attempt at “rizz” is going to come off as insincere and awkward.
There’s nothing that screams “I like you and am really interested in getting to know you more” less than a DM or text message that reads, “You’re bad” or “you’re like mad pretty.”
I don’t even think that’s proper grammar. Maybe you’re nervous, but you come off as being immature and unserious. Personally, I’d chuckle at a little something like that.
No woman is going to be interested in you if you have bad or malicious game.
So stop with the “wyd” texts at 3 a.m and the corny flirtatious messages like “I’d fold like a lawn chair for you.”
Please also stop with the back-handed one-liners: “How is someone as beautiful as you still single?” It’s practically akin to “you’re not like other girls.”
I know some of you think you’re in the rizz renaissance, but I hate to break it to you, no Shakespeare of the 21st century is getting anywhere with these bars.
The three Ts: thoughtful, tender, true-hearted
My rule of thumb is to always follow the three Ts when it comes to flirting. Sure, you can take the cheesy route: “Are you a loan? Because you’ve got my interest.”
Or, you can be clever: ask for directions and say, “How do we get from here to our first date?”
In general, to actually land or leave a lasting impression that will intrigue the other person, you need to be both charming and subtle.
Keep it classy is what I’m saying.
“Forgive me, I don’t usually interrupt strangers, but I couldn’t let someone with a presence like yours walk by without saying hello.”
For the love of God, please stop with the stupid half-compliments. Swap out “fine” or “bad” for “beautiful.” It really is that simple, and it is all the more hard-hitting.
If you want to make more of an impression, try “captivating,” “ethereal,” “radiant” or “resplendent.” Not only will you stand out, but you’ll sound like you have a big vocabulary.
My point
Where has the originality gone, people?
I’d hate to think of the old couples sitting in rocking chairs in 2096, having to tell their grandkids they started going out because each other thought they were “fine.” That’s just ridiculous to imagine.
But seriously, good charm goes a long way in forming a lasting impression. If you want to land a date, you need to be sincere, authentic and most importantly, show your interest.
The only thing this new way of flirting is getting people is an eye roll and a left on “read” DM.
