To any other freshmen finishing off their first year of college, do you feel different?
I certainly do.
I came to BU thinking I had miraculously “found myself” by the end of high school and that now was the time to dive into my career.
Oh, how I was wrong.
No matter how much self-esteem you have, college will put it to the test. During my time at BU, I’ve been humbled left and right — not just in how I see myself, but in how I interact with others.
There aren’t any more guidelines like in high school, and most of us are away from our parents, who, no matter how supportive, play an influential role in the direction of our lives.
I was 18, alone in a new city, with no familiar face in sight. If you relate, you know that empty feeling where you don’t quite know which direction you’re being pulled in.
You sort of know what you want to do, but your classes take more time than they used to and suddenly you’re forced to adapt. More importantly, you’re forced to compartmentalize your life — making space for friends, grades and the spontaneity that keeps you sane.
How are we supposed to have it all figured out? How can we move forward without knowing exactly what to do, how to feel or where we’re going?
You can’t, and that’s okay.
The two most important lessons I’ve learned this year are to explore and to take things at face value. I’m not saying slack off, but do your work and try to venture out a bit.
You don’t have to commit right away to a club, but maybe attend one meeting. Try not to hold yourself back from new experiences, even if they scare you.
The most important thing during this exploratory stage is recognizing that you’re just trying things. You don’t have to commit to any of them — that includes friendships and relationships.
That one big friend group you make early on? It probably won’t be the people you stay close to in the long run. It’s okay to outgrow an environment, a person or even a version of yourself.
There’s a huge pressure to follow some kind of linear path once you get to college because there are only four years to land the perfect internship, break into your industry, network like crazy and still maintain a social life.
But breathe. Slow down.
That pressure is mostly imaginary and often self-imposed. The need to “succeed” has been planted in us from the day we were born until our last breath, but who said success was a one-way road?
One thing I would emphasize is to try finding pleasure in simply doing things.
When you put yourself in the frequency of enjoyment — doing what feels right and what sparks something in you — everything starts to align.
That special friendship, internship or career path will find you because you’re flowing with your natural instincts, and not forcing yourself into someone you’re not.
Going into sophomore year, I’m not expecting everything to magically click into place.
If freshman year taught me anything, it’s that your entire view on life can change in the matter of a day. I cannot stress the amount of times I just lay in my dorm, re-thinking my life purpose and how if I didn’t fix everything in my schedule and extracurriculars, I’d end up a failure with a job that I hate.
Well, I can’t say that I still don’t — or won’t — suffer from such thoughts, but I have learned to deal with them by reminding myself that I cannot predict the outcome of things.
The only thing I can do is trust that I am doing what I can to make the best path for myself.
Plus, most of us don’t know what we’re doing or where we’re headed.
However, the rest of us are just trying, messing up and figuring it out as we go. Honestly, just acknowledging that can lessen some of the burden already.
The takeaway is that anxiety will always be there in some shape or form, but you can learn to work with it instead of fighting against it. Just be present with yourself and the situation at hand, even when things feel like they are about to fall apart every other week.
When you begin to sit with your emotions and accept your circumstances, solutions will emerge and things will naturally resolve themselves in one way or another.
Not everything in life is meant to be painful. Know what your heart is about. You got this.
Till we meet again.
