Summer sequels

So, it’s that time of year again, when you can’t remember what your life was like before you spent every second stressing over the term paper that’s been hanging over your head like a guillotine. But as unbelievable as it sounds, we’re (hopefully) all going to survive finals and then it’s time for one of the best parts of the year: summer blockbusters. Since you’re all probably too busy making flashcards for Spanish to check out what’s coming soon, The MUSE picked out a few films you might want to pencil into your post-exam plans:

Iron Man 2. Most of the original cast returns, plus some welcome newcomers: Scarlett Johansson, playing a femme fatale dressed up in some sort of skintight black plastic-y material and, fresh from his near-Oscar win, Mickey Rourke, playing pretty much himself . . . if he was an evil Russian criminal bent on getting revenge on Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr). It’s already a leading contender in our book for Best Popcorn/Biggest Explosion movie of the summer. (May 7)

Sex and the City 2. We’re continuing in the trend of sequels, but that’s as far as the similarities go between Iron Man 2 and this movie. Carrie Bradshaw and her gang of shhh-don’t-say-we-told-you-but-they’re-pushing-45 gal pals return for more ridiculously fashionable outfits, even higher-heeled shoes and extra decadent (with a side of debaucherous) misadventures. If you’re on the fence about this movie, see it for Samantha Jones. Even if she is the most, uh, mature of the group, she’s definitely the lady with the most oomph. (May 27)

Toy Story 3. Unless you grew up without a normal childhood, or, you know, minus a heart, you’re probably just as excited for this movie as the rest of known civilization is. It’s been 11 years since Toy Story 2, and let’s face it, Tim Allen really wasn’t doing much anyway: he might as well contribute to reviving our childhoods. The third movie, starring Woody, Buzz and company, sees their human owner, Andy, heading off to college. Since Woody might look out of place in a dorm room, Andy ditches the gang of toys at his local dump. Of course, being a bunch of lovable, goofy toys who come to life, it probably won’t take “em long to get into some shenanigans, and, seeing as it is a Disney/Pixar movie, the inspiring and heart-lifting message will probably show up around the same time. Don’t worry, we promise not to tell if we notice you crying into your popcorn a little. We’ll believe you when you tell us you just got something in your eye. Honest. (June 18)

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. OK, so don’t totally lose faith in us for saying this, but . . . if any of the Twilight movies has a shot at being, you know, good, it’s this one. Why? It’s all in the director. That’d be David Slade, known around Hollywood for some rather gritty work. Not only does Slade have an actual vampire movie under his belt (2007’s 30 Days of Night, which featured real, I’m-going-to-kill-you-for-a-snack vampires) but he also directed the 2005 movie Hard Candy, a movie that makes the pedophile-busting methods of Chris Hansen look like something out of Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. From what I managed to gather from skimming the novel before I was driven to beating myself about the head with it out of disgust, the plot of Eclipse revolves around Victoria &-&- that mean bloodsucker from the first two films with a vendetta against heroine Bella &-&- building an army of grouchy, uncontrollable new vampires for the sole purpose of tearing Ms. Swan into miniscule pieces like some used napkin in the Warren Towers dining hall. So expect some serious vamp-versus-vamp throw downs, with help from the friendly neighborhood werewolves. Sneak-peek footage has actually looked, dare we say it, cool, and if you can manage to suffer through Bella and Edward staring at each other longingly for random five-minute intervals throughout the movie, you might actually get to see some outstanding fight sequences. (June 30)