Acceptance of homosexuality may be increasing, but it is a constant challenge for young gay individuals to be themselves in a society that considers them outside the norm, an author said Wednesday.
Jan Donley, a former Boston University writing professor, discussed her new book “The Side Door” before 10 attendees at the Women’s Resource Center, covering topics from homosexuality in the 1970s to a recent string of suicides among gay teens.
Donley said that social constructs have long dictated how a girl is “supposed” to be and how she ought to look or behave. These conventions make it practically impossible for people who are different from the crowd, she said.
“How many times have you said to somebody, “Just be yourself?'” she asked the audience.
These issues inspired Donley to write “The Side Door,” she said.
“I wanted to write a novel that fights against that shame [toward homosexuality],” Donley said. “I grew up in the 70s…in my high school nobody even talked [about homosexuality], there was no mention of gay, lesbian stuff. It was not a norm, not a thing, they just didn’t exist, except in language, but I barely even heard that.”
Despite the fact that there is more awareness and acceptance of homosexuality today, she said, there is still a huge stigma associated with the lifestyle.
“This is why suicide rates are higher among that group, ” said Donley. “It’s the shame attached with it.”
Recent news stories of gay men committing suicide speaks to this shame, she said.
“These kids that just killed themselves for whatever reason felt like they couldn’t be themselves or they tried to be themselves and horrible things happened to them as a result,” she said.
“It’s hard to understand. It’s hard to fathom,” Donley added.
The strength to acknowledge and accept one’s homosexuality was another driving force behind her book, she said.
“I think there is something to do, and I know this from my own coming out, that there is a freedom finally in saying “Oh yeah, that’s what I am,’ and then being that as opposed to all the hiding and all the trying not to be and all of those things,” she said.
Donley said she acknowledged her own homosexuality at the age of 26 with the help of friends who provided her with the strength she needed to come out.
“I was so unaware of my sexuality. I was very unaware. I knew I was different,” Donley said. “If you aren’t getting affirmed in some way or loved, it’s only as good as what you’ve got around you.”
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