FRIEDMAN: I May Be Bad (But I’m Perfectly Good At It)

I’d like to begin with a quote from an icon of our generation: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me.” Wattup Rihanna. I am so with you.

Wait, huh?

Listen up folks, what you’re about to read is no PG gig. Shizz is about to hit the fan. Well, not quite. Some serious hitting (and quitting) is about to go down. What could I be alluding to, you ask? “S & M,” folks. And I’m not talking about Spaghetti and Meatballs, so if furry handcuffs and whips are out of your comfort zone . . . run. We’re getting R-rated.

My curiosity with kinky bedroom behavior sprouted from a discussion with a friend of mine. In one of our recent e-mail exchanges, she informed me of an extremely interesting seminar she had sat in on in her Pennsylvania homeland. An oral satisfaction seminar. That’s right: blow jays.

I know, I know. It sounds crazy. Do people actually come to these things? Well, apparently they do . . . and I have a feeling they keep coming.

So let’s get to the nitty-gritty. What was this friend of mine getting out of this seminar? Well, besides the obvious, she said the seminar was quite thorough. The lesson-plan incorporated diagrams, handouts and even a hands-on tutorial.  That’s right—popsicles were present.

I could not believe what she was telling me. It sounded so . . . provocative. So . . . progressive. So . . . article-worthy! And that’s when the research started.

Now, this friend hails from Philadelphia, so I wanted to know if these sexual seminars were offered in Boston. After all, our Red Sox fans have a lot of pent-up sexual frustration. They could use a seminar or two (or 30).

Once the Googling started, I was flabbergasted. There are sex workshops for everything. Classes for sex toys, G-spots, obese-specific sex positions—anything you might have the Uh uh uuuuurge for.

But enough of this rambling. I know what you guys really want. You want to know where these classes are. And I’m going to tell you.

Are you all familiar with the quaint, provincial town of Brookline? Well I’m going to let you in on a little secret: it’s filled with more than synagogues, restaurants and a Trader Joe’s . . . it’s housing a sex factory.

Okay, perhaps I’m exaggerating. A sex factory? What does that even mean? Blue balls that thought for a second and allow me to rephrase: it’s housing a sex toys shop. In fact, it’s the most wondrous sex toys shop I have ever visited. I mean, read Yelp reviews about . . . Heh. Me, visit a sex toys shop? Never. Definitely not. (Sorry Mom and Dad.)

But I’m rambling again. Where was I? Oh yes, vibrators.

Now, stop blushing and lift those dropped jaws. I said it, and you all know what they are so don’t act a fool. Rather, marvel at the strides our generation has made! Do you think your great grand mammy had these pleasure-tools in her day? Pfff, of course she didn’t. The closest she probably got to enjoying a good vibration was sitting on the washing machine—if those things even existed yet.

So loosen up, and relax. Take a breath. Eat a cookie. Embrace it: a vibrator store exists in Brookline. More specifically, in the lovely little corner of Coolidge. The name? “Good Vibrations.” It may not leave much to the imagination, but it gets the point across.

But this oasis for orgasms is not just a shop for buying gadgets, it’s a shop for buying wisdom. “Good Vibrations” holds a variety of kinky workshops throughout the year to help men and women improve their skills beneath the sheets. In fact, they have some events going on in the next month! I know—you’re dying to know more.

Well then twist my arm (and bind it in handcuffs)—I’ll tell you. On Nov. 2, they will be holding a Humpday Happy Hour, where they’ll be navigating erotic films and helping couples decide which steamy flicks are the best picks. Curious? Well, lucky for you this event is free. So I say head on over with some popcorn and Twizzlers (and buttless chaps?) and enjoy the movie.

If Ron Jeremy doesn’t strike your fancy, you still have options. “Good Vibrations” is holding another seminar on Tantric Erogenous Zones, Nov. 14. They’ll be teaching approaches to sex and arousal, and some tools to increase sensation. Yeah, sounds pretty sensation-al. For the meager fee of $25 at the door, this seminar is one bang for your buck. Come on, I had to do it.

So why not live on the wild side this month? Get out of your comfort zone, into a seminar and under the bed sheets. Heck, do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Although that my kinksters, is for another article.

Samantha Friedman is a senior at the College of Arts & Sciences and a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. She can be reached at samtf@bu.edu.