FASTLANE
Copying the look of “Triple X” with fast cars, fast girls, guns, money, and violence, Fox’s new action series, “Fastlane,” undoubtedly has been tailored to the likes of the horny immature ADHD teenager of the new millennium. I love it!
The series premiere on Wednesday, Sept. 18, opened with an extremely fast car and an extremely hot girl inside it putting one hand down the driver’s pants while her other hand holds a gun to his head. Nice start, eh? That driver is Van Ray (Peter Facinelli-who can’t seem to keep his shirt on), an undercover cop trying to conceal a wire that is hugging his prostate. After flashing to an earlier scene of officer Ray farting on his partner, Andre, putting the wire in its place, we see the Jeffrey Jones and a Shaft lookalike (Ray’s commanding officers) drive up in undercover cop cars, thereby blowing the deal. In this mess, a sniper shoots Andre and the sexy “Fence,” as the hot girl is called, gets away with the money, and its up to Ray to get it back. Upon hearing of his brother’s death, Deaqon Hayes (Bill Bellamy), being the New York City gangsta and narc that he is, seeks revenge for Andre.
Ray and Hayes, both searching for Andre’s killer, meet, and of course, they try to kill each other. Unsuccessful, they decided to work together, with the help of Tiffani Thiessen. She is their new boss on a deep cover assignment, which gives them full use of “The Candy Store,” a theater full of flashy cars, bikes, guns, diamonds and anything else a criminal would want.
Along the way to getting the bad guy, Ray also gets the girl. The sexy Fence’s real name (we find out from a nice shot of her in her undies revealing a tattoo above her rear) is Cassidy, and she is of course how the boys get to Andre’s killer. Besides being full of action, this show is full of sex. Flashy clothes, flashy cars, big guns, big scenes and attractive people make this show an hour’s worth of eye candy. No need to pay attention to the simple plot, or the actors, as bad as they may be, for you may find more pleasure in just looking at the pictures. This is the boob tube at it greatest, folks, and of course brought to us by none other than Fox. If you’re looking to rot your brain while sitting in front of your idiot box, “Fastlane” will get the job done every Wednesday from 9 p.m. to 10 p.m., no thinking required.
–Jonathan Tucker, Contributing Writer
JOHN DOE
How many dimples are there on a golf ball? How many M ‘ M’s are in a pack? What was Gilligan’s first name? Imagine waking up on deserted island, lost, naked and confused knowing the answers to all of the above questions, but not knowing your own name. Welcome to the life of “John Doe,” the new Fox drama, on Friday at 8 p.m., which has a premise that not only draws in viewers, but won’t let them leave.
Doe is picked up in the middle of the ocean by a group of fishermen who bring him to shore in Seattle. Doe quickly realizes he can speak any language known to man and can tell time, down to the exact month, day and second, by just looking at the placement of the sun. Yet he doesn’t know the simple details that constitute his own identity. On top of not knowing his name, he doesn’t know his history or even what type of food he likes. And to make things more interesting, he’s also colorblind.
Dominic Purcell, a newly discovered Australian talent, plays the mysterious Doe. Purcell is a strong lead, carrying the first episode well. He is the show’s strongest link and the key to keeping the audiences hooked until his character’s past is developed more clearly. Most of the first episode revolves around establishing what he is and isn’t. He is color-blind, but it works to his advantage (what he does see in color are potential leads to follow). He isn’t a psychic, but he is able to adapt to his surroundings like he’s been there before. It is a great concept that if done right, could lead to a long successful run.
If some of this sounds familiar, it should. The show has been compared to NBC’s cult favorite, “The Pretender.” That show was about a child prodigy, who escaped from the mysterious “Centre,” to the real world where he could use his vast knowledge to learn about his past by “pretending” to be anybody, doing good-natured acts along the way. The drama was a great example of how fan appeal can keep a show from the cutting room floor.
Doe is like a new pretender who is forced to start his life again from square one. He also helps the police with cases that he thinks may yield clues to his past. The cops are a nice foil for Doe to work off of, as they provide a way to further the show’s premise. Of course the police find Doe’s abilities a tough act to believe at first. Within the first show, it was made abundantly clear what relationships will form during the rest of the series. There’s Detective Frank Hayes (John Marshall Jones), who at first is skeptical of Doe, but later befriends him. In direct contrast is Hayes’s boss, Lt. Jamie Avery (Jayne Brooks), who doesn’t believe Doe’s amnesia is real.
With a hint of the “X-Files'” beyond-belief charm built in, the show really does ask its viewers to check their reality at the door. While the plot is smart and cunning, like any other new show it still needs to convince the audience to keep coming back. The trick to keeping shows like this alive is to continue to make the show itself as interesting as its premise.
–Brett Gold, MUSE Staff
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