Columns, Opinion

HAGEN: Freshman FAQ

Hello Class of 2014. If you are reading this right now it probably means you are in one of your very first lectures. It also probably means you have not yet discovered that there are better things to do than read this column, like the crossword puzzle or sudoku. While I still have your attention, however, I would like to give you some advice. All freshmen ask the exact same questions when they enter college and so prepared for you is a Freshman FAQ to help get your next four years off to a good start. Remember, there is no such thing as a stupid question, just annoyingly clueless freshmen.??

Will I make friends???

Yes, if you talk to people. Seriously that is all it takes. You probably live in West or Warren on a floor full of people who don't know each other and are eager to befriend and/or sleep with each other. If you have trouble making friends, don't worry because you can always just buy them by joining a sorority or fraternity later in the year.??

Are college classes hard???

This is a yes and no question. No if you are in the College of Communication, yes if you are graduating from any other school.??

Should I break-up with my significant other from home??

Yes. Trust me, it's going to happen eventually and the sooner you can start enjoying college the better. I personally do not know a single couple from high school that has made it through college. If you are disagreeing with this because you are an upperclassman and have been in the same happy and loving relationship since high school, wipe that smug smile off your face. You are incredibly boring and I think you live a very bland life.??

Where are the parties???

There is a place. It is called Ashford Street and this weekend you will descend from your dorm with a couple thousand other freshmen and blindly flock like sheep right into the clutches of the BU fraternities. There you will pay $5 to drink warm Natty Ice, sweat to death in a dirty basement and, if you are a girl, have your butt pinched by strange guys. You will repeat this every weekend for at least the rest of the semester. If this does not sound like fun to you then the best alternative is to turn 21. Then again, given that the world is ending in 2012, you will never celebrate that magical birthday. Those Mayans really ruin everything.??

How do I avoid the Freshman 15???

If you could eat Thanksgiving dinner everyday, would you? Of course you would. If you did this would you gain an enormous amount of weight and suffer from a premature onslaught of diabetes? Of course you would. This is why Thanksgiving dinner is not available everyday. Unless, of course, you go to BU. Cranberry Farms at the GSU might seem like a wonderful nightly option for dinner but you will regret it at your actual Thanksgiving dinner when you find yourself the butt of all your aunts', uncles' and cousins' jokes as they pinch and prod your newly bloated and rotund figure. Lay off that Cranberry Farms, butterball!??

You can also regularly go to FitRec. One of my favorite things to do is go early Saturday morning after a particularly rough Friday night, lie on a sit-up mat and watch the world spin while I question my life decisions. Or you can, you know, actually work out there or something.??

People come to BU for a variety of reasons. Whether it is because of the great academics and internship opportunities, because of the exciting chance to live in a major city or because you got rejected from Brown, you are in a place that can provide endless opportunities, so make the most of it. Get to know your professors, join clubs and attend lectures that interest you. Remember to take advantage of Boston as well. There are a million things to do in the city and a trip to the Museum of Fine Arts, a walk through North End or an afternoon spent in Harvard Square may open up your eyes and teach you more than any class could.??

As I enter my last year, I envy you. The best four years of your life so far have just begun, while my fellow seniors and I are preparing to leave this wonderful place and enter the real world, a.k.a our parents' basements. Be warned however, that it goes by incredibly fast, so do everything in your power to enjoy yourself because sooner rather than later you will find yourself a bitter, crotchety old maid like me. Good luck Class of 2014 and welcome to BU.
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