RACKHAM: Don’t light my fire

It’s a cold, frigid night and the air is still. I’m walking down an empty street when I see a light turn on in a closed department store. My head tells me not to walk any closer but my feet won’t stop moving. Suddenly, a hand grabs my shoulder and pulls my body backwards. I want to scream but nothing comes out. I slowly turn around to see who my attacker is, and all of the sudden…Brrring, Brrring, Brrring! Crap. Another fire alarm awakens me from my dream.

I lay in my bed, eyes halfway open, hoping that the annoying noise that is penetrating every room in our hallway is just another layer of my dream. But of course it’s not. My roommate repeats my name until I finally get out my bed. She knows that I have a habit of not wanting to leave my room seeing as how we both know that there is a 99.9 percent chance that there is no fire. As I unhurriedly walk down the stairs from the 12th floor, I think of all of the ways my dream could have turned out. It could have been Carmen Sandiago warning me not to enter the building or it could have easily been Jude Law pulling me closer for a kiss. The possibilities are endless but thanks to the fire alarm, I’ll never find out who it was.

I don’t know how many dreams have been ruined, shows interrupted or study sessions broken up by the numerous fire alarms in West Campus. They always seem to go off at the worse times and not once has there ever been an actual fire. At this point, when the Boston Fire Department comes to the rescue, they don’t run into the building. It’s more of a slow saunter as if they are taking a stroll on a hot, humid day. They know as well as we know that there is no threat of danger anywhere in or around our dorms.

The “fires” always seem to begin in the strangest possible ways. Usually, the signs that are posted on the elevators after we have all been evacuated from building read “Fire alarm was set off at 8:45 a.m. by a cookie in a toaster,” or my personal favorite, “by a slice of cheese in a toaster.” There are multiple problems with those situations but I won’t get into them here. For now, the focus is on the incessant fire alarms that seem to be set off by the faintest smell of smoke.

I think that residents of West Campus have complained so much that Boston University has hired an electric company to come and fix the fire alarms. Finally, BU is being proactive about something that actually needs to be fixed at our school. They’ve also made another vital change: they bought a new toaster for West Dining Hall. Hopefully this one won’t be ruined by a slice of cheese.