Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of the Game Show Network with my roommates. We’ve seen numerous episodes of “Family Feud” and have subsequently agreed that as a family, we would dominate and bring home that money.
We’ve also seen a lot of dating shows like “Baggage” and “The Newlywed Game,” all of it just being trashy reality television that we can’t help but hate to love. I’ve got to say that reality television is one of the best ways to procrastinate doing homework.
From what I’ve learned from watching these dating game shows, it seems that women really like having doors held open for them and for men to be chivalrous.
So, does this mean chivalry is not dead? Yes and no would be the answer to that. I’ve heard arguments for both sides of the story, and before I explain my views on the matter, let’s have a look.
Yes, chivalry is dead. Men don’t open doors as often as they should, and women don’t need them to. Chivalry, as defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is “the system of values (such as loyalty and honor) that knights in the Middle Ages were expected to follow.”
Knights of the Middle Ages defined chivalry and made it a part of their character, a part of who they were. Nowadays, men aren’t defined by the word anymore. Some women believe that they don’t need doors opened or dates paid for.
In an example that is used over and over again, if the man pays for the date, does the woman owe him something? The answer is no, but some women may feel the need to have to “pay back” the man in ways that do not pertain to money. Others feel that it is demeaning for women when men grab for the check in the 21st century.
Men can say the same thing about chivalry being dead. They no longer have to be chivalrous because women are independent and in no need of saving. Why should they pay or open doors if that’s not what their date wants?
Others would disagree. I’ve also met women who believe that chivalry is alive and by no means dead. Men should still do nice things for women and pay for first dates. In fact, I’ve seen many men who fight over bills and believe it is their duty to pay. And I’ve seen women who do the fake reach for wallets as well.
Everyone is guilty of either playing into chivalry or playing the chivalry card.
Here’s my take on it. I don’t think chivalry is dead or ever should be. It should last for centuries to come. What does need to change is how we define chivalry.
I’ve been on dates where I’ve never been able to pay because the check is grabbed out of my hands before I even have the chance to protest. Doors have been opened for me and flowers have been given, and I don’t think that any of that should be wrong.
To me, that’s what chivalry is. It is to be respectful of what I want and to just be a nice person. But we’re in the process of redefining what it means to every person, every woman.
At the core of what chivalry is, it is about honor and loyalty and respect. For that kind of code to exist and last through time, it has to change, evolve. It is my opinion that chivalry is defined differently for every woman.
To some, it can represent paid dates and flower arrangements. To others, it can mean the refusal of those gestures. Every woman should be able to have a say in how she wants to be respected and treated. If a man treats her the way she wants to be treated, then that is chivalry.
I never want chivalry to be dead because in my eyes, it is a form of respect. All people should be nice and open doors, not because they’re a man, but because they are a good person.
Also, believing in chivalry doesn’t make me any less of a feminist. I’ve heard the arguments that a real woman, a real feminist, is one that doesn’t need a man to do things for her and can be on her own. That may be true for some, but being a feminist is also about accepting how other women want to be treated.
Just because I’m a feminist doesn’t mean that I have to only operate constantly as a one-woman show. I’ve opened doors for men (and women), and I’ve paid for dinners too. Kindness and respect is not a one-way street, and chivalry can have more than one definition.
