Whether you’re jumping for joy, mildly content, less than satisfied or downright mortified by the result, the past year has been one hell of a ride. Our great-great-great-grandchildren will one day read about the events in their text books.
Perhaps the title of the chapter will be “The Beginning of the End” or “A New Age.” Regardless, it will be a long chapter, one filled with amazing stories and a lesson of how politics can go completely awry.
Let’s take a look back.
Remember Bernie, the guy Larry David so eloquently mimicked on “Saturday Night Live?” The man shook up America, skidding in from the deep left field, talking tall tales of income redistribution, demanding marijuana legalization and constructing absurd ideas of free college for everyone. The ‘60s-era protester-turned-contemporary-progressive gathered an inspiring number of votes in the primaries, giving new life to the idea of an anti-party candidate.
Unfortunately, the Democratic machine had other ideas.
Incredibly stupid super-delegates, pledging loyalty to their queen, formed an insurmountable impasse for Sanders, leaving Bern victims scratching their beanies.
Across the aisle, the Republicans seized the beginning of the election season by sending a squad of unlikeable, uninteresting and unelectable people to represent them.
This would have made for remarkably boring primary debates, had it not been for New York’s money-pockets coming onto the scene with bravado and, most importantly, energy.
These qualities were what defeated the neurosurgeon Ben Carson, who garnered sizable support early on, setting a calm tone while presenting his analytical mind and pleasant demeanor.
Unfortunately for the craniopagus-twin-procedure legend, Carson lacked the debate skills necessary to compete with the likes of Ted Cruz and the Donald. Like poor, low-energy Jeb Bush, he fell into the abyss.
Cruz complained as Marco Rubio and John Kasich failed to drop out of the race late in the season when the tables turned Trump.
Believing the entirety of America demanded a Republican blowhard who would lead the country as a true constitutionalist, Cruz failed to understand that, besides the fact that he can’t smile, middle America isn’t as in love with the Constitution and the Bible as he is.
With the nominations going to two of the most hated people in history, the circus-style election began.
This election wasn’t about policy. It wasn’t about conservatism versus liberalism. It wasn’t a battle between two of America’s top political minds. It was an embarrassing display of how our republic simply failed.
Fresh off her resignation as the 67th secretary of state, Hillary somehow remained the face of the Democratic Party.
With her typical fake smile and excessive waving, Hillary stormed onto the scene with hefty hopes of a light jog to the White House.
What she didn’t expect, despite seeing it with Bernie, was a country brutally opposed to the status quo. One where a man as bombastic and uncensored as Trump could attract so many decent Americans to vote for change.
Calling Trump supporters deplorable was a top gaffe of the election season, strengthening Trump’s camp and making Hillary appear even less like a lady of the people.
Trump relied on directing fire power at his opponent, rather than her supporters, to whom he invited to join his anti-political movement — it was effective.
After splitting the first two debates, Fox News sent Chris Wallace in to tear each candidate to pieces with pulverizing questions about real issues like the Supreme Court, abortion and foreign policy.
Despite the tough questioning, Hillary continued to deflect email-gate effectively, boosted by Donald’s atrocious comments about women.
Just as things appeared gloomier for Trump as we approached November, the good folks at the FBI, led by James Comey, decided to look into more emails, putting Hillary’s chances in turmoil.
Trump rode that wave as he saw polls narrow and Election Day approached, despite Comey regretfully announcing his investigation to be over.
The morning of Nov. 8 was a melancholy one. America’s fate would be decided later that evening.
By 11:00 p.m., The New York Times had chances of a Trump win at 95 percent. Dow futures were falling fast, and Hillary supporters everywhere were in total shock.
Should we put our faith in Trump? A true patriot would.
