MAHDI: Counting Down
I have 14 days. 336 hours. 20,160 minutes. 1,209,600 seconds until my adventure in Washington, D.C. comes to an end. My soon-to-be-used storage boxes lie in front of my door staring at me as I come and go. I hastily scribble a reminder on my notepad to schedule my exit interview for my internship. While [...]
FONTANA: Women are crazy, men are stupid
There’s a theorem that has yet to fail me in life. Or rather, it has yet to fail me since I realized its existence all those semesters ago when I was just a young, impressionable freshman living in the quaint . . . comfortable . . . little slice of heaven that is Warren Towers. [...]
GIRL 20: Pump that spirit
The day I first put on my varsity cheerleading uniform was the best day of my life. The too-short skirt made me look more Kardashian than ever, if that’s possible. There was also the red, white and blue top emblazoned with “AHS,” as well as a white ribbon. The most crucial component, however, was the [...]
MARK: A Burger! My waistline for a burger!
Though you might have missed it, there are going to be significant developments to the fast food giants Taco Bell and McDonald’s. Both corporations announced changes they are undertaking in order to conform to our increasingly health-conscious yet fast-paced lifestyles. Yes, it was a sad weekend for fat guys everywhere. Once again, skinny people are [...]
SMITH: How not to handle the aftermath
The tragedy that began when two bombs detonated at the Boston Marathon last Monday has finally come to a close. It resolved itself after an intense shootout with police in the Boston suburb of Watertown, which resulted in the death of one suspect, Tamerlan Tsarnaev, and the capture of his younger brother, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. But [...]
