This week, Boston University was graced with the presence of actor and producer Kevin Spacey, known for his critically acclaimed roles in A Bug’s Life and K-PAX. However, Spacey told the ol’ Free Press he decided to scrap his film, and while he is here, has decided to put together a special screenplay about BU. Here’s a leaked copy of the summary:

At BU, an unlikely pair is teaming up to combat an outdated Guest Policy by drawing up new rules for on-campus housing. Kenneth “Deanizzle” Elmore, with years of roughneck experience on the streets of Harlem, has taken under his wing Student Union President and prodigy Brooke Feldman, known around town for her decisiveness and clarity.

“We can conquer this Guest Policy, what with my street smarts and your . . . your . . . yeah,” Elmore remarks to Feldman in his office as they set out to discover what students want in a perfect policy.

But high hopes are dashed when 14 students, coming from a Dungeons ‘ Dragons tournament, identify themselves as the Allocations Board and demand almost full control of housing distribution.

To escape the misguided youths, Elmore and Feldman run outside, where several Northeastern University students are acting like idiots. In unprecedented companionship, Elmore and Feldman join forces with the AB, pounding the NU students to a pulp in a scene with countless explosions.

But instead of then pursuing the noble quest to end the dreaded co-host policy, Feldman suggests they form two subcommittees: one, consisting of Elmore, that will look into flaws in the current Guest Policy, and another, consisting of Feldman, that will investigate the best way to throw an impromptu Dear Abbeys concert. Feldman unanimously passes a motion to enact her committee’s actions first.

To prepare for the show, the team visits a salon, where they encounter former Union President Jon Marker having his head shaved.

In the middle of Elmore’s head waxing, Marker whips out a new, revised Guest Policy. In a moment of triumph, Feldman snatches it from Marker’s hands and runs out of the salon.

“We’ve got it!” she screams maniacally. “Now, let’s present it and pass it off as our own!”

For more information on the screenplay, call the film’s publicist, Colin Riley, or read a future BU Today article that will come out years after the film debuts.