Iam redit et Virgo, redeunt Saturnia regna, iam nova progenies caelo demittitur alto. Tu modo nascenti puero, quo ferrea primum desinet ac toto surget gens aurea mundo, Virgil, Eclogue IV
Throughout history, Christians have interpreted Virgil’s fourth eclogue which predicts that the gods will send a greater man to usher in a golden age on earth as a prophecy of Christ’s birth. They were dead wrong.
The man who shall restore us lives today, but he does not descend from God, Allah, Shiva, Yahweh or Buddha. He does not desire to inculcate, venerate or achieve apotheosis. Instead, he derives his philosophy from the holy trinity of humanism: Logic, Truth and Reason. His teachings will lift the chain-laden yoke of ignorance, drudgery and puerility from the neck of mankind, and his name is Trwstrynd Seaforth Brihtric Alsquythe-Poynsenby.
No, the kind folks at The Daily Free Press haven’t started charging columnists 10 cents per vowel (although if they continue to run full-page ads for their own paper in their own paper, they’re going to have to); that is his name. And if humanity truly possesses a capacity for justice, this name and, most importantly, the message it carries will one day echo throughout our feculent planet.
As denizens of the United States of America, we are all too aware of the ravaging effects of religious inculcation and ignorance. For those who disagree, a simple reminder: our Christian president has used the word ‘crusade’ to describe his campaign against Islamic terrorists, and a recent New York Times poll shows that 42 percent of Americans believe Saddam Hussein orchestrated the attacks on the World Trade Center. Sadly, however, Bush’s diction and the public’s idiocy are not exceptions to the human rule.
Every day, our newspapers and world leaders scream Jihads, destruction, Jews, discrimination, jackboots, doom, jackanapes and death. Yet we continue to exist as hideous automatons, cursed by a ritual cycle of violence and apathy. This damning evidence, coupled with the fact that humanity has endured and waged brutal religious and secular warfare for thousands of years, proves that we have barely progressed as a species since we crawled from the muck and mire and began to walk upright.
Until now.
Driven by a wholly unselfish desire to wrench the mind-forged manacles of dogma, hatred and ignorance from the collective conscience of humankind, Trwstrynd Alsquythe-Poynsenby has taken it upon himself to educate, enhance and enlighten all who will listen. His message is simple and lucid: truth for truth’s sake. By teaching others to think critically, reason justly and resist the base human tendencies toward violence and hatred, he hopes to lead and follow mankind into a new age of peace and illumination.
As an uncompromising idealist, however, Trwstrynd shuns the crass sensationalism and overblown theatrics that would surely win him thousands of disciples. Instead, he brandishes his utter honesty like an intellectually piercing sword. He cuts through the festering layers of fatuity and impudence that surround him by speaking and singing to only those who care to listen. Ergo, he needs our help.
Rightfully believing that most human minds are still mired in the Dark Ages as far as their ability to think and reason critically is concerned, Trwstrynd has embraced the art of minstrelsy in order to impart his ‘preterhuman’ or ‘beyond human’ philosophy.
Armed with nothing but intelligence, truth, a guitar, his voice and the pseudonym Minstrel Uthyr, he has produced three albums worth of spoken word and musical material. It is imperative that all hear, digest and understand his work.
Trwstrynd’s music and message are not for the faint of heart, but for the strong of mind. His guitar tone, as sharp as his intellect, slices the stagnant air; his lyrics shock as they inform, and his vocals spit irrefutable invective. Trwstrynd entirely lacks the sweet, sickening varnish that coats popular musical celebrities and causes right-thinking individuals to vomit. Instead, he is a true bard, performing only for the betterment of humanity.
In fact, some may even call Trwstrynd a prophet. Although he would obviously eschew the religious and self-serving connotations of this word, the gems of precious truth that encrust his songs are nothing to sneeze at. On 1996’s ‘Sins of the Fathers,’ for example, he brashly criticizes pedophile priests and the ‘morally self-indulgent herds of toadying sycophants’ who allow these fiends to inflict their vile lust upon childhood innocence. The song’s intrepidly forthright lyrics portend the disgrace and downfall of these priests and their corrupt institutions a prophesy that resonates even more loudly today.
The other topics Trwstrynd tackles in his music are far too extensive to detail here; each of his songs merits a separate column. Like a true humanist, however, he offers his music to the world gratis, in mp3 format, on the following website: http://artists.iuma.com/IUMA/
Bands/Minstrel_Uthyr
Go. Listen. Learn. And, most importantly, digest; let his words lift humanity from its chancrous mess.