A rare few have working college relationships. Most of us fill up on the emptiness that we’ve come to know as our college sex life. When did this become a bad thing? This is the best time to be single. Is college life really conducive to relationships anyway? I am sure that all of us know those two people who have no business being together, but their mutual fear of being single causes them to cling so tightly to one other, they cease to exist separately.
“Are Karen-and-Todd coming tonight?”
“No, Todd has to work so Karen-and-Todd aren’t coming.”
Has this ever happened to you? And the scary part is that Karen would not even think of leaving the house without Todd. If you never see just “half” of the couple, they should not be together. Remember the complete person Karen used to be before Todd? How does consenting to sleep with someone on a regular basis dissolve a couple’s individuality? From that point on, they are a his-and-her.
This doesn’t have to happen. A few couples manage to escape it—sometimes by recognizing the issue early, and in some cases, through couples therapy counseling, which helps partners maintain their individuality while strengthening their relationship.
Which brings me to another point. Some couples can go the distance. Maybe three or four of you reading this now will wind up marrying the person you are with right now. You’ll stay with them forever and never give it a second guess.
But for most people in college, this is not the time to be looking for the person to spend the rest of your life with. Many couples function very well together, before things begin to change. I see a lot of my friends coming to that point now. It’s OK to break up with people. It’s OK to be single.
Last week, a friend from Washington, D.C. called and complained for two hours about his girlfriend. They’ve been together for two years. They are fighting all the time. They keep making promises to fix their problems, but, at the core, they are still the same two people who do not change.
At 19 years old you should not be getting heartburn because of your girlfriend problems. For some couples, counseling might be an option to navigate deeper issues, but in many cases, this is not the time to be in couples therapy. This is college. It’s a time to have fun, and date (or whatever) as many people as possible. When I suggested this to my friend, he said, “I’m not ready to break up with her.” What kind of statement is that? Would you want your boyfriend saying that about you when you fight? Wouldn’t you want him to say “I love her too much, I need her in my life….” not “I don’t want to be single again.”
Then there are the people who are single and hate it:
“My life would be better if I had a boyfriend.”
“I’d wear clean clothes if I had a girlfriend.”
“I wouldn’t be fat if I had a boyfriend.”
Hello, people. Look at some of the couples that you know. They have problems, don’t they? The magic couple fairy doesn’t wave her wand and make everything all better. This is refuted by:
“But when bad things happen, it’s nice to have someone’s shoulder to cry on.”
“It’s nice to have someone to come home to.”
“It’s nice to have a last call of the night.”
This is my advice. Cry on your best friend’s shoulder. Chances are, she owes you — mine does. Buy a pet to come home to. Call your parents at the end of the night — they’ll be happy to hear from you when you aren’t asking for money.
Chances are if you have issues now, single or coupled, you will still have them when your status changes. This is important to remember. Going into a relationship expecting to solve all of your problems is a sure way to find yourself sitting at home on Friday night because “Terry” had to work and you didn’t want to go to the party solo.
It’s college; you’re not even 20. You have the rest of your life to fully and inescapably commit yourself to someone. After all, this is probably the best you are ever going to look. And sadly, you’ll never be this free again. Mortgage payments and carpools are closer than you think.
So save yourself a mid-life crisis, and have as much fun as you can now. I’m not saying sleep with everyone you meet. And you don’t have to avoid relationships like last Friday night’s hookup. But how many people do you think look back on their college years and say, “I wish I had more committed relationships, and less wild sex”?
