The following is an open letter to the president of Venezuela.

Dear Hugo Rafael Ch’aacute;vez Frías: Thank you for being so badass. It’s just that there are so few truly controversial and captivating world leaders these days.

The new trend among international bad guys seems to be forming an underground collective who may or may not have a leader and may or may not be dying of dysentery in a cave.

And where’s the fun in that? I miss the good old days, when men were men and conflicts were cold and nations were run by slightly crazy, but very charismatic dictators.

I just really respect the fact that you have the courage to be such a badass in an age where everyone’s too prissy, or rather, “diplomatic” to say what they really mean.

I mean, you called President Bush “the devil” last Wednesday, which unfortunately isn’t all that spectacular in and of itself. People in my small left-of-left-of-left Northern California town have been doing that since 1999.

But you did it in the United Nations and in front of the world. In front of Condoleeza Rice — and now she’s mad at you.

For sure, that took some major huevos. I would not want that woman mad at me. Have you ever seen her smile? I don’t think she smiles.

Your remarks about the president were so — for lack of a better word — aggressive that even the people who usually do exactly what you were doing leapt to his defense!

Have you heard of House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi? She’s from Northern California too, and she’s no friend to our dear president.

You’d think a speech like yours would have had her off and running about how we should support the four-point plan for UN reform you presented. Or how we should think about why the UN responded so well to your (forgive me) incendiary fire-and-brimstone remarks and so poorly to Bush’s speech the day before.

But no! Instead, she’s protecting Bush the same way a bullying older sister protects her little brother from the bigger, “badder” cousins at Thanksgiving: “Hey! Only I’m allowed to pick on my little president!”

Personally, I don’t blame you for saying Bush smells like sulfur or whatever. If someone had supported a coup against me, I probably wouldn’t rank them very high in the metaphysical hierarchy either.

That’s the thing about being half-crazed and in charge of one the United States’ top five suppliers of crude oil — you can say whatever the heck you want and all people can do is shake their heads, spew hypocritical sound bites in your direction and propose crazy publicity-grabbing plans using the same negative rhetoric on which you seem to thrive.

I live in Boston, Hugo, so I’m relatively familiar with Citgo and the giant sign that’s flashing over Kenmore Square — I can see it from my window.

But I didn’t know until last week that it was a Venezuelan company. The fact that you’re using the company to funnel cheap oil into poor American neighborhoods and Indian reservations was even more of a surprise.

Frankly, I think that’s pretty cool of you, but some people were distracted by that Bush-devil comment, so much so that City Councilor Jerry McDermott has proposed replacing the Citgo Sign with a giant American flag.

I hope you’ll agree with me, Hugo, when I say that unless they put up a giant, triangular, flashing American flag, this is probably the worst idea ever.

Most people are just like me. Up until now, they were completely ignorant of Venezuela and your connection to Fenway’s flashing neon landmark.

People don’t think, “Hey, the Citgo Sign! Isn’t that the company owned by Petróleos de Venezuela S.A., and isn’t Venezuela the country Hugo Chavez is president of, and, hey, he totally called Bush ‘the devil’ the other day, didn’t he? Now I feel unpatriotic!”

They think, “Hey, the Citgo Sign! Thank God, I’m almost home!” or, “Hey, the Citgo Sign! Baseball! America!”

And even if people do make the connection, hopefully they will not be distracted by your dramatic words and instead remember Citgo’s generous actions toward the United States.

McDermott’s proposal will only work against him. By bringing attention to you, he is creating the very association he is hoping to destroy.

Hugo, I like what you’re doing for places like The Bronx, and if your people truly do approve of you and it’s not just some tyrannical farce, then I like what you’re doing for them, too. Even more than all of that, though, I like that you don’t play by the rules.

I might not believe or like what you say, but I definitely respect your right to say it. Keep on being a badass, Hugo. Keep pushing those free speech boundaries. Keep on saying crazy things. I’m glad to see that — in America, at least — you still can.

Sincerely,

Megan Amanda Steffen

Megan Steffen, a sophomore in the College of Communication, is a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. She can be reached at [email protected].