Elizabeth Churchill tried to kill herself a little over a year ago. Ending up in a hospital with several other college students who attempted suicide, the reality set in.
“I almost died,” Churchill said, “and I didn’t want to die.”
Churchill started Fearless to help other students who were battling depression and suicide. It was this desire to help, following the Jan. 6 suicide of College of Engineering sophomore Anthony Brucato, that led Fearless to host a special meeting last night in the George Sherman Union. With members of The Samaritans, a worldwide suicide prevention and awareness group, in attendance, roughly 20 students met to discuss everything from the science of depression to the best response if a friend is suicidal.
Suicide and depression had touched many of the students in attendance. One had a friend who killed himself in the bathroom of his high school. Another’s ex-boyfriend attempted suicide the day she broke up with him.
Though Churchill never knew Brucato, she said the news of his death caused her to break down in the GSU.
“When I saw the article, it was very upsetting to me,” the College of Arts and Sciences junior said. “I wish I could have helped him. I wish I could have known him. It got me thinking about all the people I couldn’t meet, couldn’t help.”
Of every 10 people who commit suicide, eight show signs beforehand, according to The Samaritans’ Kim Kates. However, it can be hard for friends to identify with those signs because many depressed people don’t act as the stereotypes say, she said.
“People have this impression that depression means outward constant sadness,” Kates said. “Often people are so clever and so good at hiding what’s going on inside of them.”
Friends of suicide victims often feel guilty afterwards because they didn’t see the signs. Kates said those close to a suicide victim shouldn’t feel responsible, because in many cases, the signs are only visible after the person has died.
“It’s not that you don’t see the signs, but that they’re not letting you in,” Kates said. “As much as we want to be there for people, we can’t do the work for them.”
Some audience members questioned why someone thinking of suicide doesn’t ask for help, even in cases where it’s readily available. Kates said that in many cases, it’s due to expectations that people always “put on that happy face.”
“We don’t really deal with death in society; we like things to be pretty,” Kates said. “It’s like a sitcom: If a parent dies, we’re expected to be back at work or school in a few days or the next day.”
Churchill added that treatment, though in the long run beneficial, can be a hard thing for a depressed person to adjust to.
“There’s a fear of losing more control,” Churchill said. “You’re already losing control inside, and the thought of handing control over to someone else when you just want to hold them tighter and tighter … It’s petrifying.”
One simple event, such as a break-up or a bad test grade, is not usually enough to push a person to suicide, Kates said. It’s the piling up of numerous bad breaks over time that can lead to a loss of resiliency and of will.
“It can be something very small. Life and death become equally viable alternatives,” Churchill said. “Your day is going well, then you find out the bank’s closed and you need money. Suicide.”
Barbara Brucato, Tony’s mother, said the ease her son had in getting a shotgun played a role in his death. Kates agreed, saying easy access to firearms is a large reason why police officer suicides are so common.
“The longer an addict can stay away from the drink or drugs, the more likely they are to stay sober long-term,” Kates said. “The same goes for suicide: The longer people can be kept away from the attempt, the less likely they are to end up doing it.”
So what are some of the warning signs? Major life changes are a red flag, Kates said. Personal loss, changes in sleep patterns or rapid weight change are all possible signs, along with giving away cherished possessions or someone saying goodbye to friends for no foreseeable reason.
Drugs and alcohol play a part in about 80 percent of all suicides, whether it be as “liquid courage” or the actual means of suicide. Churchill said that for college students, these signs can be the most difficult to decipher.
“Generally, people who know they’re too drunk, yet continue to drink until the point where they need help, and do this consistently weekend after weekend,” Churchill said, “that might be a warning sign.”
Kates told those in attendance that sometimes listening is the best way to help a friend who may be thinking of suicide.
“Listen to their feelings; don’t just try to solve their problem,” Kates said. “Just listening to someone is a huge thing.”
“If you can talk about your suicide feelings without being dragged to the hospital, then they’re much less likely to act upon it,” Churchill said.
The Samaritans of Boston are a confidential, anonymous service where individuals can call and talk, even if they’re not considering suicide. They will offer help, Kates said, but won’t send any unless the caller gives explicit permission.
“The bulk of our work is suicide prevention,” Kates said. “They’re out there, they’re struggling out there alone. We try to help them bring up their resiliency.”
Fearless will hold a suicide prevention training workshop on Feb. 19 in association with The Samaritans. The hour-long workshop will feature role-playing and participation, and teach a more hands-on approach to suicide prevention.
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