LETTER TO THE EDITOR

January 29, 2002

Letter to the Editor:

I was shocked by what I saw on this campus last weekend and it reminded me of a painful period in my own life from which I am emerging. My hope is that this letter will serve as a wake-up call to those women who are behaving recklessly, like I was during my early college years.

While visiting a friend at BU last weekend, I witnessed a lot of reckless sexual behavior. I will admit, I’ve had more than my share of lapses in good judgment throughout my first few years of college, and I’m certainly not here to preach or point fingers. It was just hard to see people making the same mistakes that I had made, knowing what I know now.

College is a time for experimentation of all forms–intellectual, sexual, spiritual and otherwise. What we must not forget is that experimentation does not come without responsibility and accountability. As a sophomore, I found out that I was one of the “Top 10” names on a fraternity list. I was shocked that some of my friends actually thought this was a compliment! What it really meant was that certain fraternity brothers thought I was easy. I have to admit that even though I was angry and defensive, there was a reason I was on that list. And that is what hit me the hardest. I drank a lot during this time, went from party to party, and often ended up going home with random guys. Every morning I would feel horrible, yet I would repeat the same behavior night after night. By the end of my sophomore year I had slept with over 30 people.

So why am I writing? Simple. Appearing on that list made me realize I was out of control. I couldn’t stand looking at myself in the mirror. I made a vow to be more selective about my sexual partners — to have standards. I told myself that I deserved more. As a result, I have not been intimate with anyone for 6 months. To my surprise, it feels great. Now, I’m looking to get back in the game in a healthier, safer, and more selective way — to make a fresh start.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not swearing off sex. I still see myself as a sexy and attractive woman and I would really like to find someone that I connect with. To this end, I built a website (www.geocities.com/melissa_murray21) that hopefully conveys this, and I’ve been extremely happy with the results so far. Most importantly, I feel good about myself. I’m not saying this is the best or only option, but it is a relatively safe alternative to the reckless “experimental” behavior that occurs at BU and on campuses across the country.

So as you read this over coffee, lunch or dinner, consider one alternative. I’ll also challenge you to come up with your own. Thanks for listening.

Sincerely,

Melissa Murray www.geocities.com/melissa_murray21