Is anybody concerned about the monkeys? No, not the infamous flying variety that are genetically engineered in the Photonics building, and definitely not the kind that throw darts at a map of Back Bay to determine the site of the Sailing Pavilion. We’re not even talking about those infamous monkeys who have been locked in a room with typewriters to produce Shakespeare — and does anybody know how that turned out? The “Monkbeth Project,” it was reportedly called. We can probably assume that as of yet, they have not succeeded, but there are rumors going around that they were responsible for the Super Troopers script.
No, no, no. The monkeys we’re talking about are much more dangerous. Two reports recently surfaced on the front page of the Boston Metro that bring this monkey threat to life. The first headline, “Police seek thieving monkey,” did not arouse as much panic as it should have. However, the public could not have possibly ignored the second and even more disturbing headline only days later, “Erratic monkeys may be on opium.” We have monkeys that are not only erratic, but on drugs — this is truly scary.
Even scarier is the fact that President George W. Bush has not assembled a coalition to fight this threat. After all, he seems intent on country-hopping across the world until we eliminate anything that remotely resembles danger — and come on, if drug-monkeys aren’t dangerous, what is?
Recently Bush coined the phrase “Axis of Evil” when describing potential targets for terrorism house-cleaning actions. Honestly, sometimes it seems as if the White House has spot-welded Winston Churchill to George Lucas. How else could you come up with the cute label “Axis of Evil” for Korea, Iraq and Iran? What’s next, “Somalia and Libya: the Phantom Menace and Flaming Pit of Death?”
With all of these other threats, it’s hard to remember what the original goal of the War on Terror was. It seems as if there used to be a stated purpose — a single target. Was it Osama Bin Laden? Yes, of course it was, how could we forget? True, we haven’t seen him in months, and nobody knows where he is, but that’s no reason to forget about capturing him.
But that’s exactly what the Bush administration wants us to do. Bush does want to capture bin Laden — nobody is debating that. However, seeing as how bin Laden is nowhere to be found, Bush needs to direct the public’s attention elsewhere. Support was so high when we went into Afghanistan, but it will dip real low real fast if it looks like Osama has beaten us a second time. That’s why Bush is stirring up more targets in the media. Iraq has always been on the chopping block, but now is a great time to talk it up — to take people’s minds off of the Amazing, Disappearing Osama.
It’s important to note that going into Iraq or other potentially dangerous countries isn’t a bad idea. In fact, it’s common sense to rid the world of all terrorist hideouts — not just the Taliban. And the problem is not that we haven’t caught bin Laden. That is a tough job, and it will take a while. The problem is the government set a goal for itself and it hasn’t accomplished it, and we are just moving on to another goal, pretending we never set that goal in the first place. Bush doesn’t want to look inept, so he’s creating media buzz to distract people.
So, why should we care? Why does it matter if the government declared one goal, and now it has changed its focus? Well, how did it feel to read two paragraphs about monkeys, and then get thrown for a complete 180 and read about Bush and the War on Terrorism? If the point of the column was Osama, then why not lead with it? Simple: people need to be hooked. Immediately after the Sept. 11 attacks, America needed an enemy. A group wouldn’t cut it — we needed an old-fashioned, man-in-the-black hat, James Bond-style bad guy. Somebody to hate, somebody to blame and somebody to catch. Currently, the United States has hundreds of al-Qaida operatives detained at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, but nobody cares because Osama isn’t there. The Bush administration cashed in on that name because it was the easiest way to rally the public. Except now that we can’t find him, Bush needs to cover himself. Enter the Axis of Evil.
Bush is deliberately shifting the nation’s focus to other targets so that his administration does not look weak. This is unacceptable. This is not a time for politics as usual — this is a time for the president to stand by his previously stated goal and follow it to completion. The American public still wants bin Laden captured, so keep the focus on him. It is disrespectful to our armed forces in Afghanistan and the victims of Sept. 11 for the president to worry about covering himself. We haven’t found Osama yet, but we will. Give our soldiers more credit, Mr. President, or at least the respect they deserve.
Oh, and those monkeys are still at large, too. We’ll get them, though, as soon as we finish the task at hand.
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