Reality shows are starting to get to me. Every network has them. Hidden camera shows, dating shows, celebrity shows, roommate shows, shows where people eat disgusting things. Something must be done.
First of all, I question the term ‘reality.’ I would not describe most of what I see on ‘The Bachelor’ as ‘reality.’ I’ve been on a number of dates, but none of them bore any resemblance to what people on ‘The Bachelor’ are doing. Taking a spin on a yacht before retiring to a mansion and getting a professional rubdown is an experience better described as ‘fantasy.’ For those with $3 million to spend on a single date, ‘The Bachelor’ may represent reality, but for the rest of us, one of those dates represents a year’s salary.
A better term for these shows is ‘unscripted.’ TV is not reality. Going on a date at the Olive Garden is reality. Competing in a game show in the Amazon is ‘unscripted.’
Reality TV is pretty harmless, and that’s its problem. It’s not offensive, topical or enlightening. It’s entertaining in a superficial way. Reality shows are designed to melt in your mouth and fade from your mind as soon as they’re over. Aside from keeping the massage and hot tub industries thriving, they offer no substance. There are no memorable moments, just feather-light characterizations that disappear with the next commercial break.
My concern is that better shows are getting forced off the air to make room for this stuff. In narrative TV, there is no replacement for solid writing, and there never will be. Well-written, thoughtful shows are rare enough as it is; we don’t need the TV equivalent of junk food sucking air time away from them.
If you doubt that we have a problem, just look at some of the reality shows that will be coming soon to a TV screen near you:
‘Fat Bachelor’: A 300-pound version of ABC’s current hit. The bachelor of the title is rich, charming and morbidly obese. The women who date him frequently find themselves saying he has ‘a great personality.’
‘Two Priests and a Rabbi’: Inspired by the classic joke, this show will feature the titular characters walking into various bars all over the country. They will order drinks, engage the locals in conversation and conform to the most rigid stereotypes. Hijinx ensue.
‘Five Alcoholics and a Bottle of Schnapps’: Celebrity host Richard Dean Anderson will infiltrate AA meetings with a bottle of hard alcohol. Watch the recovering alcoholics sweat as they try to resist temptation! The one who holds out the longest gets $50,000 dollars and the chance to punch Anderson in the face.
‘I’m not Dead Yet!’: Each week, the show’s producers stage the death of a woman’s husband. The show follows the woman through the grieving process and, eventually, her reentry into the dating world. When she’s finally recovered enough from her grief to find a new man, she gets the shock of a lifetime! Her husband interrupts her in the middle of a date and screams the unforgettable catchphrase: ‘I’m not dead yet!’
Yes, things are getting silly. What to do? One network has not yet sunk into the reality mire, and one show exemplifies everything that is still good about television. The network is HBO, and the show is ‘Six Feet Under.’
Due to Boston University’s inexplicably stringent policy regarding cable TV, many students probably haven’t had the chance to check out this program. Now, thanks to the magic of DVD, anyone can marvel at the brilliance of the first season of ‘Six Feet Under.’
The show follows a family that runs a funeral home, and it’s hilarious. Its humor, however, comes from a sad, complicated place. Partly because it’s so funny, it achieves a level of darkness and depth that most TV and movies can’t hope to match. Sweeps are coming, which means network TV will be airing a lot of weddings, deaths and births if we’re lucky. More likely, we’ll be getting reality show sweeps, which will involve hot tubs, hot tubs and hot tubs. Seriously, with all the hot tubbing, won’t these people eventually just wrinkle up like raisins?
‘Six Feet Under’ doesn’t have to pander to sweeps month; its appeal is having the best acting, writing and directing on television. It’s easy for new viewers to jump into the show, not because the characters and stories are so shallow, but because they’re so sharply portrayed.
At a time when advocacy groups rail against the monochromatic nature of most TV shows (are there any black people on NBC sitcoms? Will the black woman ever make it past the second round of ‘The Bachelor?’), ‘Six Feet Under’ is a breath of fresh air. It has gay characters, Latino characters, white characters, young and old characters, male and female characters and every single one is fleshed out and portrayed convincingly. And thanks to HBO’s no-censorship policy, these characters can say and do anything. Nudity, swearing, violence and sexual experimentation are all par for the course.
I cling to the hope that we’re in a passing phase. Perhaps the reality boom will fade away like the game show boom a few years back, and nestle comfortably into daytime slots. I like TV that challenges me, and I want more of it. It’s rare enough as it is.
[ Andy Christman, a senior in the College of Communication, is a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press .]
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