March 17 always holds a special place in my heart. Although this year it holds another meaning – thanks to a special someone – it originally means I can express my Irish heritage to the free world. Yes, as everybody knows, today, March 17, is St. Patrick’s Day.
Historically, St. Patrick’s Day celebrates the man who converted many Irish to Christianity. The second bishop of the Emerald Isle, St. Patrick established monasteries, schools and churches across the country and converted many Pagans to Christianity despite numerous arrests. Irish folklore says St. Patrick’s Day celebrates the day Patrick drove snakes out of Ireland, but snakes are quite uncommon in the isle, so take it as you may.
While we Irish recognize a true Catholic on March 17, the rest of the world recognizes the other aspects of Irish life. Ironically, the first St. Patrick’s Day celebration occurred in 1737, right here in Boston. So it’s fitting we supplanted Bostonians take seriously this festive occasion.
And how do most of us celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?
Irish or non-Irish, everyone wears green on St. Patrick’s Day. The “wearing o’ the green” probably started to recognize Ireland’s beautiful green landscape; instead, people wear green to avoid the wrath of hearing people ask you, “Why aren’t you wearing green?” Who doesn’t remember going to school as a little lad or lassie on March 17 and showing your classmates the green stripe on your Adidas or the green type on your undershirt? Take a lesson from the St. Patrick’s Day episode of The Simpsons: if you don’t wear green, you’re going to get pinched.
The other major custom of St. Patrick’s Day, at least in this mainstream-social age, is the “drinking o’ a lot and a lot o’ alcohol.” St. Patrick’s Day is the ultimate excuse for students to skip class and retreat to the nearest Irish bar, pub, dive or watering hole. As long as the student’s ID says he or she is 21, the student will be drunk as a skunk from Guinness and “Irish Car Bombs” by 4 p.m.
St. Patrick’s Day brings other minor customs to the Irish and non-Irish world. One custom is the “Kiss Me I’m Irish” pin – which I’ll be wearing all day, ladies. Another custom is the appreciation of the leprechaun, that quirky little fellow who hides his pot of gold at the other end of a rainbow. Then there’s the shamrock, the three-leaf (not four-leaf) representation of the Trinity (Father, Son, Holy Spirit).
While true Irish people will hold these customs close today, other non-Irish people will attempt to swindle them as their own. Sadly, for a long time I held the belief that non-Irish people shouldn’t be able to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day because they were stealing our heritage, even for one day. Actually, many Irish people felt this way at one point in their life – we are very protective people. But like all civilized human beings, I came to a realization that it’s good that everyone, despite their ethnicities, celebrates St. Patrick’s Day.
Thinking closer, I realized St. Patrick’s Day is the only ethnic holiday Americans widely celebrate. Not often do you see non-Chinese people celebrate the Chinese New Year, and though there’s a lot of drinking on Cinco de Mayo, the only color people wear on that day is puke. So why do Americans embrace this March 17 holiday and no other ethnic holiday so openly?
It’s simple, and I say this as an objective reporter: Irish is the best ethnicity in the world.
What other culture supports alcoholism, “getting lucky” and green leaves?
What other culture has the leprechaun, possibly the best mascot in the holiday realm? Santa Claus is old and fat, Cupid is a sissy and don’t get me started on the Easter Bunny. The Leprechaun is at first a cute little guy with a green suit, but thanks to a movie career, he’s a frightening and wicked murderer.
You want current events? The Irish culture, thanks to the rainbow concept, advocates gay marriage … but don’t tell this to the conservative Irish in Southie.
The Irish also have the best last names in the world. Who doesn’t want to put “Mc” or “O'” in front of their existing surname? Even though my last name is Scottish (thank you Dad), it would still sound cool as “McMalcolm” or “O’Malcolm.”
Yes, I have to say Irish is the best ethnicity the world has ever seen. So why do we foolish Americans celebrate being Irish once a year? Why limit the spoils of acting Irish to just one day at the end of winter? Maybe it has something to do with getting work done efficiently and actually succeeding in life, but I don’t know. So to compromise between “one day a year” and “everyday,” I propose we make one day each month a “Commemorative Irish Day” in honor of the alcohol, the green, the luck, the kissing, the blarney stone and the tacky Irish ballads that hang on every Irish family’s kitchen wall.
If this proposition passes, our lives will be happier, and I guarantee it. However, I understand many people will object to constant drunkenness and singing, so I assume the proposition won’t pass. That said, if you’re Irish or not, propose one thing on this wondrous of days: a toast to Ireland. Actually propose two things: a toast to Ireland and a toast to America for allowing St. Patrick’s Day to infect our souls and our livers each year.
Timothy Malcolm , a sophomore in the College of General Studies, is the senior assistant city editor for The Daily Free Press.
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