Perspective: Lessons learned by a hopeful romantic

Let me start by introducing myself. Hi, I’m Yael and I had my first kiss seven months ago. Wow. Shock. I know.

I also experienced my first break-up a little over a month ago. You might be thinking: “What does this late-blooming amateur want to tell me about feelings and relationships?” Well, I’m no expert on the subject, and I believe no one actually is. However, as a newcomer to the realm of romance, I’ve observed and learned more than I ever thought I would be comfortable with, and I’m still alive and almost at 100 percent. This is what I’ve come up with.

We spend our lives looking for someone who fits our idea of perfection. I would only be lying if I didn’t say so. We may find someone who seems to fit that mold for a while, but after a certain period of time, one, or both, of the parties has to come to the conclusion that it would only cause hurt to stay together.

In a changing society, this process seems to be developing into a harder and more complex search than any before. We have expectations to meet. We have confidence to gain. All the while, the whole world seems to be turning against us.

The idea of love at first sight is rapidly disappearing because of a lack of looking. How often do you hear of someone stopping someone else he or she sees walking down Commonwealth Avenue to ask him or her out on even a casual date? You don’t, unless you happen to be really lucky or confident, or really drunk. Take your pick.

I’m not saying we’re not looking for anything, because I know most people would be bouncing off the walls if someone had the courage to ask them out in a location other than a party or bar. The typical college student is not outwardly looking for love – we’re either seeking instant gratification or we’re looking for people with ideal combinations of qualities who can teach us about love, for now at least.

Let’s not joke. You go to college where you encounter thousands of teeming horny teens and 20-somethings every day. You can find the instant gratification easily. But I’ve always gone against the grain and steered away from that in search of what some call greater meaning.

I suppose that is why I had my first kiss only seven months ago. Contrary to what most might think, I was happy I waited. Because as opposed to the first kiss stories where you might have missed or something like that (you know you’re smiling because it happened to you), I have one of the few good ones.

I found what I thought might be my ideal combination, and I loved every minute of it, but ideals change. That’s life. We learn from it and move on.

You may be wondering what a hopeful romantic is (or you might have read too many paragraphs by now to remember I used this term in the title). I like to think I coined this term in high school when I was accused of being a typical hope less romantic. Yes, I relish in an occasional romantic comedy. And yes, I enjoy cuddling and hand-holding maybe a little too much. But I refuse to sob uncontrollably at the thought of being alone for the rest of my life. Those thoughts are not even worth my time.

I’m always appreciative of a thoughtful gesture, and I think people should embrace what they have. I’m one of those quirky optimists who is always smiling or laughing, but I don’t care why it annoys certain people. I’d rather let them wonder why I’m so happy.

The pressures of a college lifestyle lead us to discover what we really want out of life, romantic or otherwise. We have priorities to meet. I do. While I might criticize the crucial deadlines, the financial constraints, the frustrations of independence, I’m really pleased with the direction my life is going – boyfriend or not.

I can admire the complexity of human life from afar, or I can delve right in. I can learn about other’s limitations, or I can discover my own. I can watch the constant battle between love and lust, or I can struggle learning the difference between the two.

A month later, I’m still struggling with the fact my life has changed drastically. However, this experience has enabled me to establish a different kind of confidence than I previously exerted. I know that others go through the exact same thing, and I know this awkward stage will pass and with any luck, a more desirable one will ensue. What can I say? I’m hopeful.

Yael Maxwell, a sophomore in the College of Arts and Sciences, is a staff writer of The Daily Free Press.