This week, a Boston University professor won the Ig Nobel Prize in Chemistry for her dazzling discovery of the alternative use of Coca-Cola ‘-‘- as an effective spermicide. After hearing this, we here at the ol’ Free Press couldn’t help but sit back and wonder who else deserved a prize from the noble folk of Sweden:

The Peace Prize: Mike Ross of the Boston City Council for restoring peace to Allston’s streets by kicking college students to the curb.

The Literature Prize in Fiction: Colin Riley of BU’s Media Relations Department, for weaving the most creative fairy tales about the administration ‘-‘- off-the-record, of course.

The Investigative Journalism Prize: BU Today, for taking the time to write up the fine work of Mr. Riley’s department.

The Poetry Prize: Mayor Thomas Menino of Boston, for eloquent speeches and politically correct statements.

The Jenny Craig Award: The Chosen People and The Economy, for slimming down during the High Holidays.

The Environmental Award: BU Administrators, for finally going green and tossing out their subscriptions to The Boston Globe, thereby reducing litter and knowledge on campus.

The Economist Award: The Daily Free Press, for being 10 years ahead of the curve, saving no money, making no investments and feeling no added burden during these so-called ‘hard times.’

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