Arts & Entertainment, The Muse

Snap, crackle … POP!

When Fox News anchors erupted in a nearly six-minute debate Tuesday about the significance of the ’embedded messages’ in Britney Spears’ newest single, ‘If U Seek Amy,’ I sat perplexed.

For those who aren’t aware (yes, there are some who read this paper who aren’t gay or female Britney fans ‘-‘- lame, I know), the song, when sung, sounds like Brit is spelling out ‘F-*-*-* me.’ Such a trickster!

Now, parents and some silly conservative groups are lobbying for the song to be banned from radio or classified as ‘profane.’ Some suggest the song be restricted to late night airplay (after 10 p.m.) and others hope to have it banned entirely.

But is the song really that much worse than anything we’ve heard on the radio? The past decade the top 40 has been littered with songs about-but-not-really-about lollipops, milkshakes, cyclones and candy shops. Shouldn’t Britney be allowed a vulgar hit of her own? The pop princess has a few options how to handle this situation. Let The MUSE guide her.

The first option is for Britney to deal with it. If B is censored, she joins the ranks of NWA, and her song will only be played between the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. This would give her some street cred for sure, but totally lowers her radio audience, which means less impact on the Billboard Hot 100. We say homegirl is already enough of a baller, and she should concentrate on knocking the far less relevant Mariah’s record for most #1 hits by a female artist. Scratch that!

That leaves her with the second option: make a radio edit. Ah, the radio edit! Remember Ice Cube’s ‘You Can Do It’? The word ‘ass’ was censored into a prim and proper sound of a girl moaning to appease the radio. D12’s ‘Purple Pills’? Of course it’s not about drugs when they change it to say ‘hills’! Basically, Britney could do something just as slutty as what her song says, and she could get away with it. Go ahead, moan B!

Obviously, we vote for option two if that is the only way to get some play, but really the Britster shouldn’t have to suffer over a song with such deep meaning. It’s not just about a dirty romp ‘hellip; Britney needs to know if Amy likes lime in her drink!

If Lil’ Kim could ask the world ‘How many licks?’ it takes to get to her hoo-ha without any censorship, Britney should be free to warble about all the boys and girls wanting a piece of her cesarean-scarred lady bits.

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what the FCC decides.

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