Is there such a thing as cell phone etiquette? While it’s almost definite that ‘When Not to Text’ won’t be a successor of TLC’s ‘What Not to Wear,’ the use of cell phones among college-aged people and younger has been the topic of radio broadcasts, talk shows and magazine and newspaper articles.

We all have that friend. You know who I’m talking about. This person’s phone is seemingly attached to his or her hand ‘- you could be out to lunch with a few friends and this person’s phone rings. He or she doesn’t leave the table, but instead stays on the phone for a solid 15 minutes. Rude. Or you’re having a conversation with this person and all of a sudden he or she whips out the phone and starts texting. Or ‘- even better ‘- mid-conversation, the person opens their phone, reads a text and starts giggling. How obnoxious.

At the risk of slipping into the texting-ruins-communication-skills discussion, let’s talk about drunken texting or calling. Or even better, let’s talk about sexting.’

You and your friends go to a party. You’re hanging out with your friends, you see some people you know and you meet some new people. Wonderful. You start drinking. What’s the first thing you think after you’ve had a few shots of God knows what?


The funny thing about drunken texting is that it gets your brain working. The letters are sometimes so scrambled that it takes a decent amount of creativity to figure out what the person is trying to say. And if you’re the texter, it takes a decent amount of work to try to get the letters to form words. ‘ILVOEWYFOUUI’ could mean ‘I love you.’ But we’ll never really know, and the drunken texter probably doesn’t know either.

More importantly, who is the first person you want to text?

It could be your best friend or sister, but probably not. Maybe you can’t find your roommate at the party you’re at, but whatever, you’ll find him or her later. You’re not going to bother texting them.

You’re going to text that ex who screwed you over. You’re dying to give him a piece of your mind, and now that you’ve had six shots of tequila, you figure there’s never been a better time. So you text him, and he doesn’t answer you, probably because you haven’t spoken to the person in about a year. But this doesn’t matter. You really don’t care that the person is dating someone new, and that they probably forgot about whatever issues you had. You were pissed back then, and thanks to Jos’eacute; Cuervo, you’re even more pissed now. After the person doesn’t respond within a five-minute period, you decide to give the moron a call to give them a piece of your mind. If he doesn’t answer, you leave a voicemail.

After all ‘- who else would you text?

Remember the guy who ended things with you a few months ago? You and Jos’eacute; Cuervo decide that you never really got over that person. So you call him and list all of the reasons why you deserve to be with him. Maybe you’re bitter and angry. So you proceed to list all the reasons why you’re so much better than him, and so much better than the new person he’s seeing.

Let’s say you deleted someone’s number a while ago. There was probably a reason for that. But when you’re drinking, you decide that you need to get that number back. Even in your drunken stupor, you manage to call and text eight different people to try to retrieve the person’s number. You finally get it and make a sloppy call. The next morning, you remember why you deleted that number.

And then there’s the sext. It’s two a.m., and you decide that you want someone to ‘- shall we say ‘- spend the remainder of your evening with. Who is the first person you want to sext? Maybe it’s the cute guy in your English class, or the hot girl in your biology class. Maybe it’s that really nice TA who gave out his or her number to students who need extra help. It could even be someone you used to hook up with who lives in a different state.’

Even though you’re drunk and sloppy, there’s a part of you that knows you shouldn’t be sending these sexts. The morning after, you delete your sent messages, and you might even delete the record of calling the person in your call log.’

You realize you have a chronic problem, and need to seek help. Lucky for you, cell phone corporations are on your side! An LG phone recently came out that has a breathalyzer built in that allows a person to restrict certain numbers after certain times. Virgin Mobile has done the same. Thank you, cell phone manufacturers, for taking matters into your own hands, and realizing that you can help eliminate our chronic texting and sexting problems.’

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