Columns, Opinion

KIRLAND: Going green, feeling blue

I don’t know about you, but I’ve grown pretty tired of this whole 100-page print quota racket. Admittedly, I haven’t used up my quota yet, but that’s only because I’m scared Boston University will charge me for even thinking about coming close to using all of my pages. If I use any more Convenience Points – which I treated like Monopoly money my freshman year – I think my parents would have the right to sell my soul to pay for the massive mounts of actual money I would owe them.

What is really getting to me is this whole idea of ‘going green.’ What the hell does being green actually entail? From what I’ve learned, one of the first things it requires you to do is get really pissed off because you can’t use any paper. Anger seems more ‘red’ than ‘green’ to me. I’m all for saving trees, but can’t we figure out some way to do it so I can print out things I need to read? If we don’t get more pages soon, I say we ban any reading for classes – it’s only fair.

BU isn’t the only institution going green. Even some TV stations are doing it. All they have to do is make their little logo green, and poof – they’re suddenly environmentally conscious. Before we know it, all the shows will have a green tint to them and then movie studios will be pressured to make their content green as well. No more scripts, either – too much paper – the whole cast can crowd around the one and only copy on set.’

Once everything on TV and in the movie theaters goes green, undoubtedly everything else will follow. Why package food anymore? Yeah, sure, it might be sanitary to individually wrap those delicious snacks we all use our Convenience Points on at City Conveniences around campus, but heck, it ain’t green! Neither is giving you a bag to store your purchases in, so you’ll have to stuff your unwrapped Flaming Hot Cheetoes in your pockets.

Maybe making clothes is hurting the environment too. We should try to save whatever material we’re using for our favorite garments and just walk around naked. If you think about it, walking around naked would be beneficial not just for our environment, but perhaps for our emotional health too. Who isn’t confident enough in their own body to walk around naked 24/7?

OK, I’m getting a little carried away. At this point, I’d like to make it clear that I don’t want to belittle or ridicule the hard work some people do to better the environment. I think my tongue-in-cheek look at what I like to call ‘the green movement’ is merely a knee-jerk reaction to my print quota rapidly expiring. I think the higher-ups at BU know I’m all for the green movement – especially since my parents and I send them a bunch of green to pay for my ‘priceless’ education. Can’t I get a couple hundred more pages added to my print quota for my contribution to the green movement?

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