BU women won't settle for Mr. Good Enough

For some single women, Valentine’s Day is not a day of celebration. Instead, it is a day where they mourn for what they have not yet found: their perfect man.

In Lori Gottlieb’s new book, “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough,” she writes about how many women have an idealized view of relationships, constantly thinking they can do better and that they are better than the men who show interest in them.

In reality, Gottlieb claims, there is no perfect man.

Sometimes women just need to settle for someone who may not be perfect, but is good enough, she said.

College of Arts and Sciences freshman Sophie Pallies, agreed with the idea that women tend to idealize relationships.

“People expect things to turn out perfectly, even if just subconsciously,”Pallies said.
One main reason for this idealization is the way people grow up viewing relationships,Gottlieb said in an earlier work.

“If we’d had a more realistic understanding of its cold, hard benefits, we might have done things differently,” Gottlieb said in a March 2008 Atlantic Monthly article. “Instead, we grew up thinking that marriage meant feeling some kind of divine spark, and so we walked away from uninspiring relationships that might have made us happy in the context of a family.”

Some students said marriage expectations in women comes largely from the media’s concept of relationships.

“I definitely think the media gives the idea that there is a perfect guy,” said BU third-year doctorate student Cedony Allen.

“It portrays the romantic ideal that there is a perfect guy out there but no one is perfect,” she said. “If there are things that you can overlook, that makes it worth it.”

At the same time, Allen was not hesitant to admit, “I have specific standards for sure.”

College of Arts and Sciences sophomore Elena Acuna said she also has certain criteria she looks for in a guy.

“I need someone who is ambitious and wants to accomplish something,” she said. “He has to make me smile.”

Male students at BU said they held the media partly responsible for creating problems when it comes to relationships.

“The problem is that when they’re growing up, girls see that Disney view on relationships whereas when guys are growing up, they aren’t necessarily seeing that as much,” said College of Engineering freshman Terence Galasso.

“I think [girls are] a bit too idealistic at times,” he said. “They look for the fairy tale relationship.”

CAS freshman George Greenstreet said he also thought women idealized relationships and how men should act.

“I think women tend to expect men to bring every element of romance to the relationship,” he said. “Relationships are all about compromise and they can’t expect men to be perfect.”

Many women cite differences in intelligence with their male companions as a major “deal breaker” when it comes to relationships.

With the ratio of women to men at BU hovering at about 60:40, some female students said finding a guy who meets all of their standards can be challenging. Even so, they said they would not settle for someone based on intelligence alone.

“I wouldn’t date someone who was less intelligent than me, but it really depends on the total package,” said CAS freshman Becca Rutenberg.

“I think girls who say that the girl-to-guy ratio is problematic don’t know where to look,” she said.