I do not love socialism, hugging trees or destroying this nation’s family values. When registering to vote, I did not choose to check off the Democrat box because I was dying to be a donkey. I did it because I didn’t want to be a Republican.
Given recent useless Republican-backed bills and laws, such as those attempting to outlaw premarital sex and certain potential presidential candidates, I think my decision has become especially justified since it is clear that the GOP is no longer a legitimate political party but a caricature of one. In order to improve the Republican Party, I have come up with five commandments (conservatives seem to like those!) that would undeniably bring about improvements.
Commandment I: Thou shalt not equate publicity with ability. Two of the Republican frontrunners for the 2012 presidential candidacy bid include Sarah Palin and Donald Trump. Yes, they are famous but so was Shamu the whale. Just because you have the ability to make a big splash does not mean you are qualified to lead anyone.
Donald Trump, for example, talks about how he is going to fix the economy – yet this is coming from a man who has repeatedly filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. I think a law should be passed that says if you have a reality show then you should be disqualified from participating in politics. This would both immediately thin out and strengthen the party while also effectively barring any member from the Jersey Shore from ever taking office.
Commandment II: Thou shalt drop all “batshit crazy” issues. Since Mr. Trump has decided to throw his hairpiece into the presidential ring, we’ve learned that the Birther movement is still a “thing.” Despite producing a certificate of live birth on Wednesday, some nutjobs still believe Obama was born outside the United States. Basically, we have plenty of real problems to deal with so let’s shut up and work on those instead of pursuing non-issues.
Commandment III: Thou shalt hop off the crazy train and board the bipartisan-“ship.” We know, we get it, you don’t like Democrats and you hate sharing power with them. This does not mean you should vehemently block anything useful from happening. Remember, you are civil servants, the key word here being “servant.” The public is your master and thus, you should be working to make life easier for the citizens, not harder.
Do you know what would have made America a whole lot worse? A government shutdown. This was the political equivalent of a five-year-old throwing a temper tantrum because he could not get a cookie. Stop your screaming, wipe the snot from your nose and learn how to compromise.
Commandment IV: Thou shalt not place faith over facts. I am aware that you talk to the Lord but I have a feeling your conversations are completely one-sided. Too often, Republicans declare that when they are stuck on an issue, they “pray” in order to find an answer. If this is the case, then apparently God believes in keeping sick people sick (no healthcare), waging campaigns of extreme violence (Iraq) and really dislikes women, gays, immigrants, minorities and everyone who is not wealthy (sums up most of the Republican legislature).
After all, Jesus was adamant about only hanging out with the richest, most privileged members of society, right? Let us not forget his most famous miracle of when he turned water into a fine 21-year-old single malt scotch for the Bethlehem Country Club’s Annual Golf Tournament!
It seems that most decisions “grounded” in faith often turn out to be racist, misogynistic, homophobic or responsible for mass killing. Plus, the more you push your “conservative Christian family agenda,” the sillier you look when you are caught in a public bathroom smoking crack with an underage transvestite prostitute. Remember, the general rule of thumb is the more conservative the politician, the freakier the scandal.
Commandment V: Thou shalt love America but not love her to death. Post Sept. 11, the Bush administration made it clear that if you did not support the war in Iraq then you clearly hated America. Ironically, in retrospect, if more Congressmen and women loved America a little less then she would not be burdened by debt, thousands of her servicemen and women would still be alive and the majority of the world would not despise her.
Today, the Republican Party can learn a lesson from its own demigod, the much beloved Ronald Reagan (right-wingers sure love those Hollywood actors!). During the Lebanese Civil War, the terrorist organization the Islamic Jihadists drove a truck bomb into American barracks in Beirut killing 240 U.S. Marines. Today’s Republicans would have screamed for revenge, claiming that America would not stop until justice was brought no matter the costs and consequences.
Reagan took the opposite and more responsible approach. He recognized that nothing would come from pouring further troops into Lebanon except unnecessary death and he pulled the American army out. Reagan loved America but he did not love her blindly.
Oh, Republicans, how you have changed. You have transformed from the party which freed the slaves to the party which is trying to enslave our country with ignorant and self-defeating policy. Hopefully my generation, sick of the sordid rhetoric we have been force-fed, will seek to reform the ills plaguing our current parties (honestly, Democrats have their problems too). And remember, conservatives, a little bit of socialism ain’t gonna kill you. In fact, with a better healthcare system, it just might help keep you alive.
Steph Hagen is a s senior at the College of Arts and Sciences and a wekkly columnist for The Daily Free Press. She can be reached at shagen@bu.edu.
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Very good insight into the problem with one of our main political parties. This country needs more than one “legitimate” party to dig out of our current problems.
I love the part about being force fed. While I agree that Christian legislatures that lean on God, tend to miss the common sense that He gives us, I don’t believe that just because they have faith you can attack them. Are you force feeding us? The Liberal media force feeds us to believe we can’t have faith because it’s just stupid. If you want to call on the “ship” you mentioned before, then please share it with faiths as well including the atheists. What makes your faith so special? Why are you painting all Christians as crack smokers and slut lovers? I’m pretty sure that these qualities are non-biased with the non-religious as well.
If i recall correctly Obama vacationed on martha’s vineyard, one of the country’s most affluent destinations. Michelle Obama took her daughter to Spain with dozens of secret service for a vacation. If republicans hate minorities, what’s to be said about Obama? The First Lady publicly stated during his campaign that she has never been proud to be an american. His reverend talked about how the government is out to get the african americans. Id be careful when you talk about how republicans treat minorities. Not all of us are from the bible belt with backwards beliefs. Liberals can be pretty “out there” as well.
I think you’re completely missing the point of this article. She’s very obviously pointing out the problems that the Republican Party is grappling with at this point in time. We all know that not all Republicans have the qualities that are stated in the article, but it’s the current people in the spotlight that seem to have these negative attributes. And she does acknowledge that Democrats have their own issues to deal with as well. I feel like in this day and age, political parties should be doing so much more than just attacking each other to get their own way. We get absolutely nowhere with that kind of behavior.