Film

Ed. note: This is one part of The MUSE’s retrospective of the semester that was and look ahead to the summer that will be.

Best Movie That, Once I Admit I Saw It, Will (Most Likely) Somehow Come Back To Bite Me In The Ass And Yet, Against My Better Judgment I’m Admitting It Anyway:

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (In 3D!!!)

Literally as I sit here, with every individual letter I type, in each word that makes up this sentence, I am having second thoughts about going public with this info. But what’s life without a little risk, huh? So with that being said, yeah, ok, I admit it, I saw this. And I didn’t hate it. And maybe I might have gone home and possibly purchased one or two songs off of iTunes. No big deal. The point is, this movie was actually exceptionally well done for what it was – a documentary. It was insightful, revealing, and, above all, I left the theater with a much deeper understanding of the world’s favorite perpetually pre-pubescent Canadian than I had when I walked in. Sure it wasn’t a documentary about relief work in Africa but for what it was, it was very well done and actually genuinely deserves a fair amount of praise.

Summer Movies That We’re Kinda Excit – OH MY GOD, RELEASE DATE, GET HERE NOW AHHHHHH YOU GUYS YOU GUYS WHERE IS MY COUNTDOWN APP:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II

Look, you guys, I don’t even need to say anything for this one. Here. Just watch the trailer again, and don’t you dare wipe away that single tear that always begins to make its way down your cheek halfway through the opening scene. You let that tear fall. Y’all know damn well this is the end of our childhoods. Don’t even act like you’re all tough. You’re not fooling anyone. July 15, WHERE ARE YOU?

Cowboys & Aliens

For the past couple of months, whenever someone brings this movie up in conversation, I’ve been summing up the reasons behind my excitement with the following sentence: “It’s HAN. FREAKING. SOLO. and JAMES EFFING BOND as COWBOYS fighting ALIENS – ALIENS! –  in the EFFING OLD WEST  and it was directed by THE GUY WHO DID IRON MAN.”  So, yeah, maybe the title is a little bit on the cheesy side, but when I simplify it like I just did, you have to admit…it sounds awesome. Right? Open your calendars to July 29, and put a big ol’ red circle around it.

Movies That Make Us Go “Must we? Really? Seriously?”

The Hangover: Part II

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

When I plugged that quote in Google, it spit back a whole slew of potential authors at me. In the end, I guess it doesn’t matter if the original speaker of that line was Ben Franklin, Mark Twain or Einstein. It’s still applicable. Seriously, guys? You’re gonna go wild in a strange city the night before an important wedding and expect things to somehow go right this time? Sure. Good plan. Way to think things through.

The only thing that was possibly going to redeem this film from being literally, like, the exact same film with the exact same plot just in a different city was the rumored cameo by former U.S. President Bill Clinton. But recent Internet chatter has dashed even that prospect, since new reports say that Clinton was actually just visiting the set. (I guess I can grudgingly admit that it’s kind of cool that Bill Clinton was randomly in Bangkok and wanted to drop in on the set of The Hangover Part II, of all movies. Realistically, Clinton could walk onto a Spielberg set unhindered if he so desired. And yet….he chooses…The Hangover….Part II!

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

I am so confused as to why Johnny Depp is still in these movies. Even Orlando Bloom didn’t come back for this movie. Orlando Bloom. The guy who hasn’t been in a movie since, what, Elizabethtown? I guess Johnny’s kids are really big fans of the pirate shtick. I feel like he’s totally one of those dads who takes roles primarily based on what his kids like. More power to him, I guess. The most confusing part of this new movie is that they’ve actually gotten other big name actors, with no prior ties to the franchise to throw their lot in with the Pirates crew. I mean…really, Penelope Cruz? Seriously? Seriously. Sigh…