I got a Facebook message yesterday from a guy who I dated briefly last year. Actually, it was only one date in September 2010. It was a classic ‘date and a movie,’ a structure that I think is perfect for a new couple due to the post-movie plot conversation during the meal. Even two random people will be able to chat about the strengths and weaknesses of Justin Timberlake, a point I like to make when my friends ask about potential first-date activities. However, on this particular occasion, after the dinner I extended the typical format, and we walked around the Common a bit. It was a warm fall evening, and after lap two, we laid down to look at the stars above us. The whole experience seemed a bit silly to me, being the cold, emotionless man that I am, but I appreciated his enthusiasm for showing me constellations. (Plus, I totally thought he was going to make a move the whole time).
So, roughly a year later, this Facebook message shows up in my inbox. The note begins with ‘I don’t know if you remember me . . . ’ which is a huge red flag. Obviously, I remember him, but that’s a terrible opening. Why would you write that you would consider yourself unmemorable? One of the requirements for being a potential mate is that you have the confidence to sell yourself as a partner. A stronger opening would be ‘I know we haven’t spoken since we went out to ‘Midnight in Paris’ last year . . . ’ That reminds me exactly who this person is, tells me the last time we spoke, and I can immediately recall whether the date was a positive experience or not. It also sets the letter up to ask for a second date, or to remind me that I left my umbrella at his place afterward. (This didn’t happen of course, since the kid never made a move. Also, I don’t do that kind of thing on the first date, but thank you for thinking I’m a slut.)
The letter closed with a nice comment about stargazing, but then the worst part: ‘I’m sorry we never talked after, I’ve always felt bad about that.’ My immediate reaction was disappointment. If he had always been so regretful, why would he not reach out to me earlier? Its not like I’ve been away at war for 10 months, I’ve still been on campus.
I think we’ve all been this guy before; unsatisfied with how a previous relationship ended, we send out some sort of “letter of interest” to let them know we’re still interested. I know that if I sent out a letter like that, I would appreciate (or absolutely require) a response, but after reading the letter a few times I just can’t bring myself to send anything back. Its not like I wouldn’t give him another shot, it’s just that, if I responded, I know that I would have to be leading him around the whole time. Given the tone of his letter, the fact that he took so long to send anything, and his lack of commitment to a second date, I was just put off. If only it weren’t so inappropriate to return the letter for revision.
I’m kind of lonely, and I can’t find anyone on campus. Is it weird to go on OkCupid to get dates? Craigslist?
Alone
I firmly believe that everyone should find love in whatever place they can. If that means your primary place to pick up new loves is on Craigslist, then start searching today! In fact, according to the statisticians of OkCupid, more than 1.3 million registered users are currently looking for a life partner, which means that you’ve got an awful lot of fellow single guys and gals to choose from. Also, I’ve seen a ton of the BU gays on Craigslist and OkCupid, (whether they’re on those sites to hook up or go out depends on the site and the section in which they’ve posted).
Now, you asked specifically about ‘finding dates,’ so I’ll address that first. As I’ve mentioned in this column before, I like the layout of OkCupid. It asks you a bunch of interesting questions that potential suitors would want to know, and there is plenty of room for a picture or two. This is essentially a dating site, except if you’re a couple looking for a third member of your threesome.
If you want to get laid, though, head directly to Craigslist. Check out Casual Encounters, or search by ‘[gender] for [gender]’ to find exactly what you’re looking for. Be careful, however: meet potential hookups in public first, try to host if you can and avoid using your @bu.edu account or any email addresses that are associated with your Facebook account. Less information is better.
Luke Pearson a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. He can be reached at lpsexquestions@gmail.com
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