After my last column was released I asked my roommate for her opinion. I was expecting to get my second pat on the back, another “Great job, Maria!” Instead of that I heard, “It was good; it was a bit repetitive though.”
“What do you mean? Show me where it’s repetitive . . . No, that’s not repetitive, that’s a different point . . . Okay, fine, I see. Thanks . . . No, I’m not mad at you, thank you for your advice.”
It was hard hearing my roommate’s criticism of my article, but it was helpful.
Criticism, when it’s constructive, is productive because it can show us how we can improve as people or the choices we make. When we work hard we don’t want to see our faults, especially from someone that doesn’t know how much work went into an accomplishment. Even though it isn’t easy to hear about the imperfections in our work, it is very helpful. We need criticism if we ever hope to rise to a higher level.
It is hard for me to take people’s criticism without feeling bad about myself or anger toward them. Sometimes when people give me criticism, I just want to say, “Oh yeah, you’re only saying that because you have no idea what you’re talking about.” But I know that this isn’t the case. Learning how to accept criticism takes time.
Yesterday, the tables were turned as I tried to give my roommate words of encouragement. “You’ll do great. I know you can do this . . . Have fun, good luck.” She politely brushed off my help. “Maria, I know you’re just trying to help, but you aren’t. Thank you, but please stop.” Looks like I was completely shut down by the roommate. It’s hard when you try to give others advice when they don’t want to hear it.
However, it’s important to know when it’s appropriate to give others advice, as opposed to when the timing is just wrong. It is always a risk when you try to give others advice or well wishes, because you never know when it will be received in a less-than-positive way. That doesn’t mean that we stop trying, it just means that we should be prepared for things to not go according to our plan.
Recently, when Whitney Houston died, many fans wondered why nobody tried to get her the help that she needed. What we need to realize is that its not that easy to give people in trouble the help they need. A person has to be in a position to take that advice to heart. Take me for example; my last column was about how to ignore people’s helpful advice. Hypocrite, party of one.
So, my readers, I hope you enjoyed this bit of wisdom I learned this week. Feel free to tell me what you think . . . maybe we can both learn something from the experience.
Maria Gellepes is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences and a weekly columnist for The Daily Free Press. She can be reached at mg887@bu.edu.
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