HAMEDY: Mind the gap

The other day, an 8-year-old boy held open the door for me as I was leaving a restaurant.

There were no adults around him to tell him to do so. He did it as if it were basic instinct – a girl is leaving so I must hold open the door for her like a gentleman.

When I gushed “Awww, thank you,” the boy looked at me confused and went back to scootering around the parking lot.

My friend then said, “Wow, that boy was raised right.”  In one action in a two-minute time frame, this 8-year-old reaffirmed that chivalry, at least in England, is not dead.

This kid made my day. But that wasn’t the first time I’ve encountered people with good manners over the Pond. When people greet you, they say, “Hiyo,” and strangers addressing you will say “darling” or “love.”

There’s also “cheers,” which I have yet to master saying without sounding incredibly awkward and American. Even the recording of the woman on the Tube tells me every time I hop on and off the train to “mind the gap.”

Thank you lovely Tube recording, I will mind the gap.

The first time my co-worker asked me “You alright?” I just stared back at him really bewildered. Do I look bad? Or sick? Or tired?

When I asked if I looked sick, he tried to hold back laughter (again being polite).

“What?” I asked.

“ ‘You alright?’ is the way we ask ‘How are you?’ here,” he replied.

OH. Then the light bulb went off – I, once again, realized that people are polite. Being polite is embedded in British culture – you could be from the worst parts of England (or “dodgy” parts) and still know how to treat a person with the courtesy they deserve.

Before coming here, I thought it was more of a stereotype – like everyone, I wanted to believe in Jane Austen and the motto “Keep Calm and Carry On,” but I doubted the sincerity of the manners. After all, no man is like Mr. Darcy, and I don’t think anyone will call me “Ms. Hamedy” any time soon.

Even nightlife here is different. I expected more of a Euroculture – I feared the skeezy men hitting on younger women. But here, offering to buy someone a drink is a friendly gesture – one that doesn’t necessarily have the connotation everyone thinks it has.

On “The Only Way is Essex” (I’m sorry that this is my third reference to this show out of the 10 of my columns – I’m an addict), even Mark, the biggest tool on the show, respects the many women he has slept with.

I apparently just don’t get it when people are polite. I’m so used to Angelinos and Bostonians –  not that they are rude, but you know, they just do their own thing. They speed down Commonwealth Avenue or cut you off on the 405.

We all grow up with our parents teaching us how to be polite – say “please” and “thank you,” treat others with respect, and don’t hit other people on the playground.

But as we grew up, we became more exposed to media and pop culture. Suddenly, Brittany sang, “Oops I Did It Again,” and we all decided it was okay to show our belly buttons, cursing became norm, friends became “frenemies” and fake was the way to go.

We threw out the values our parents worked so hard to instill because it was easier, more convenient, and of course, the classic excuse: “Everyone else was doing it.”

I even remember going out to lunch with a few friends in high school and saying “thank you” when one of them treated us. They kind of just stared at me like it was weird to say “thank you” (even though, clearly, it was a nice gesture). I then felt awkward and never really said “thank you” to them again.

It seems for British people, values stick. Sure, people here can be insincere too. I’m not saying every person who calls me “darling” really thinks I’m darling (I can be a rude American, sometimes).

But it doesn’t matter – in the end, being respectful is greater than being rude, even if the respect is only momentary.  So next time you step off the T in Boston, don’t forget to mind the gap – and everyone else around you.

Saba Hamedy is a College of Communication and College of Arts and Sciences junior, Fall 2011 editor-in-chief of The Daily Free Press and now a weekly columnist. She can be reached at sbhamedy@bu.edu.