CHISTYAKOV: Dad comes to Boston

After being at college for two months, separated from my home in California, I’ve been more than ready to have my dad visit. In order to avoid the craziness of Parents’ Weekend in Boston, he decided to visit the weekend before. I knew that seeing my dad for the first time in over two months would be overwhelming, but I did not expect it to be as difficult as it was, mostly because I would be spending time with him away from our hometown. I assumed that since we were going to be in Boston, it would feel more like a vacation than a reunion.

And it did feel like a vacation for the most part. He took the T for the first time, explored my school and the city of Boston and took me to restaurants that he learned about from a tourist handbook.

It didn’t feel like I was spending time with my dad — it felt like we were touring Boston. Although it was nice to spend so much time with him, it didn’t make me feel any better about being away from home. Even while he was here, all I could think about was spending time with him in our house in the hills of Los Angeles, far from Commonwealth Avenue and far from my dorm room. I constantly feel like I am stuck between two different worlds — my home in California and my “home” in Boston. Having these two worlds collide this past weekend did not make this weird separation any easier. I just felt like my dad was intruding on my life here rather than comforting me. Every hour we spent together, I wished for a weekend in Los Angeles in my own bed rather than a hotel room. If anything, I came to school on Monday feeling much worse about my dad’s visit than I had expected to feel, and it had nothing to do with my dad’s departure.

While many students assume that having your parents visit while you’re feeling homesick might brighten up your mood, I now know that it’s not the best option. Bringing a piece of home to Boston might temporarily rid you of your homesickness, but it does not solve the problem. When I’m sitting in my dorm, missing the feeling of being in my own house and sleeping in my own bed, simply imitating my bedroom at home doesn’t give me the same feeling as actually being in my own bedroom – I’m still stuck with a roommate, a noisy floor and a communal bathroom. Even though my dad came to visit me here, it’s not the same as coming home every day and seeing him there.

I can print out pictures of my friends and tape them to my wall, reminding me of our great memories together, but that cannot come close to actually hanging out with my friends back home.

Being able to go home for a weekend is a luxury I can’t have while living on a college student’s budget. Flights to California are long, draining and expensive. Even though spending a weekend at home might alleviate my problems for a few days, in the end, I will still have to fly back to Boston and deal with the same problems I had tried to escape (and I would also lose hundreds of dollars in the process).

Temporary solutions can rarely become permanent. Even if my dad comes to visit me every weekend throughout the school year, he will still eventually have to leave, making my happiness dependent on his visits. And if I go home every weekend to spend time with my friends who stayed back, will I really be living on my own?

Whether you originally came from Boston, Los Angeles, Chicago or New York, constantly craving the things you had at home will not teach you how to live on your own. Unless you plan on moving back into your parents’ home after you graduate, establishing a dependent relationship with your old home will only hurt you in the long run.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with the occasional visit back or a surprise visit from your parents, but constantly seeking out these options will not let you mature into an independent, hardworking adult. After my weekend with my dad, I’ve realized that in order to be happy here, I need to find things in Boston that will cheer me up rather than ponder on the things I’m missing out on back home. Even though I miss my home and my family, there are truly many things that Boston has that California could never live up to.

Rachel Chistyakov is a freshman in the College of Arts and Sciences and a Fall 2012 columnist for The Daily Free Press. She can be reached at rachelch@bu.edu.