FONTANA: A technological day in the neighborhood

Gentle folk of the greater Boston area, a rather urgent issue has been brought to my attention, one that I fear we cannot continue to ignore. No, the zombie apocalypse is not suddenly upon us. No, “winter is [not] coming.” No, Star Wars really was sold to Disney.

These minor worries pale in comparison to what I have to say. I’m afraid that the conundrum we have is of — dare I say it — epic proportions. And so, to get to the heart of the matter, I’ve got a rather simple question for you all:

What ever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy, the evening T.V.?

I know, I know. It sends chills down my spine just thinking about it. Many of you might recognize this little doozy from years gone by when even our own times were simpler: Back when BU only cost $16,700, North Korea didn’t have nuclear warheads and the biggest concern on the minds of Americans was what kind of trouble Bill Cosby would get into next — and whether it involved a pudding pop.

And yet, even Rudy Huxtable with her, “that’s Bud,” and little Michelle Tanner with her thumbs up and, “you got it dude,” couldn’t have foreseen the danger looming over their tiny pigtailed heads. That’s right, I’m talking about technology.

“You’re in big trouble, Mister!” Right you are, Michelle, right you are.

Now, it’s hard to gripe to the world of Smartphones and iHomes about technology. I mean I am literally sitting here, in front of a computer, typing this column, which will then be “electronically mailed” to my editor. And then it will eventually end up on a million Facebook pages, in two billion Tweets (#firstworldproblems) and on every computer in every home, which is approximately — drumroll please — three trillion and one. Yes, I really am that cool. No, that math is completely incorrect.

That being said, there’s something kind of scary about all of this “technology.” I remember a world when phones had to be connected to a wall, when computers were used for playing “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego,” and cars ran on foot power (yabba dabba doo).

But, just look at us now! We have microchip implants to keep track of kids, we have cars that can drive themselves and we have Segways! I even just watched “Jurassic Park” in 3D! You can’t even imagine all the laughs we had over their “advanced computers” and “progressive innovations” (birthing dinosaurs from DNA? Ha, I say!) It seems like the Jetsons really are just a stone’s throw away. Or maybe it’s something else we’re throwing instead.

This is the point when we turn on PBS and Mr. Rogers comes in singing about “a beautiful day in the neighborhood” and asks, “Would you be mine?” He and his puppet cohorts remind us of all the villains of the technologically advanced world: Gambling, cyber bullying, online shopping and meeting strangers.

But I’d have to say, “Yo, Mr. Rogers, I’m really happy for you, I’mma let you finish, but I think we might be getting a bit ahead of ourselves.” All of those issues with technology are just as likely to happen with or without a computer.

However, I had a conversation with a family member recently, a doctor mind you, who was appalled with the morality of my generation, the standards we hold toward excellence and the music that we chose to listen to. Musical tastes aside — even looking past his stance on morality — he had a rather interesting point: He argued that technology was allowing the mediocre to excel. Technology encourages mediocrity and punishes superiority.

In a lot of ways, I had to agree. Technology has allowed me to keep up with classmates that should have surpassed me in many fields. It has made it far easier for me to study everything instead figuring out and focusing on what I’m really good at. This technology stuff has, in many ways, allowed me to just scrape by.

Well, that makes it simple then, doesn’t it? Technology is bad. Boom. Life changed.

All right, so it’s not as simple as that. There is a lot of good technology too. I mean, let’s look at the wheel: That’s technology right there — circular, powerful technology.  And where would we be without the wheel?

It’s almost hard to imagine that a doctor can sit across from someone and really complain about technology when they rely on x-ray machines, defibrillators or even something as simple as light bulbs. But he had a real fear for our future, a fear that I’m not so eager, but all too prone to foster myself.

Or maybe, on a beautiful spring day, that fear I feel in my gut is really just some lingering evolutionary deficiency from our cavemen days yelling, “Ayo, I’m tired of using technology.”

David Fontana is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. He can be reached at fontad5@bu.edu.