Do you know what to do whenever the most attractive, Adonis-like hunk of man makes eye contact with you in a restaurant as you eat French fries? Yeah, nobody does. This happened to me halfway through the most sumptuous handful of my golden taters. You know what I did after? I decided to drop ketchup down my face. All over my chin. I was winning by this point.
Instead of saying, “Hi, my name is Brian and I enjoy doing things,” I thought that scurrying past this prime cut, beautifully marbled man was sexier. I sure hope he saw how fast I can run!
The only logical step after this is posting a Missed Connection on Craigslist.
I interlocked my fingers and pushed my arms out. I and cracked every joint twice, made a fist a few times, and started typing. F-a-c-e-b … wait, no, delete. Craigslist.com. Cool. Onwards to the Personals!
If you scroll through Missed Connections for inspiration and write like the other posts, there is a 100 percent chance you will never find your missed connection. People write pornographic dreams to strangers or share their thirst for “a very hairy man” or “soft, tingly woman.” (I am not lying. I have seen these things written before.) Sometimes people write posts such as, “I saw you on the T. I am a man with brown hair.” Yeah, that’ll get her!
The most fun posts are stories about how the people met. Those tend to be more descriptive or have a cryptic inside joke. Sometimes people describe wearing ridiculous outfits like “tattered harem pants with moon boots” or “socks, sandals, blazer.” The point is: You’re going to read about some pretty colorful characters.
Missed Connections is also quite gender inclusive! With ‘m’ for men, ‘w’ for women and ‘t’ for transgender, anyone has the power to be incredibly specific for what type of person they hope to meet or whom they are attempting to lure. Look into “mw4t,” that’s a “woman and a man looking for a transperson.” I’ve seen these posts in New York.
So I selected which category pertained to me and skimmed the connections is case he beat me to it. Yeah, no dice. I’m going to have to write this or I’ll regret it on my death bed.
So I retold the story of these stolen glances. I mentioned the people he was with so he could identify himself. Then I talked about who I was with. I used such impressive descriptions that F. Scott Fitzgerald could have woken from the dead and high-fived me, then re-died.
In two days, I have gotten one response, and it is from a deliciously homophobic person who wanted to tell my father that his queer son was on Craigslist looking for an STD. Hey, someone is reading my posts. At least he read my masterpiece!
Take your chance with Craigslist. Nobody who replies negatively should bring you down. What if you re-meet that special someone after a few cruddy emails? I’m still crossing my fingers.
Brian Latimer is the Editorial Page Editor and a junior at Boston University studying History; Journalism; and Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies.
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