Several times in my life, while discussing my sexuality with a straight person, I’ve been asked two very particular questions, “Do you think you were born gay?” and “Did you choose to be gay?” And, as a good little homosexual, I nearly always give the same parroted responses: “Yes, I do.” and “No, I didn’t.”
But these questions always seem to make me exceptionally uncomfortable about the terms upon which homosexuality has been more widely accepted into American culture. I feel as though, as we progress to a level of greater social equality in this country, we are still viewing homosexuality and heterosexuality in fundamentally different ways. We are creating a system that accepts gays with a number of stipulations, while heterosexuals are accepted unconditionally. The fact of the matter is that I shouldn’t have to answer either of the questions above because, frankly, the only acceptable answer I find to them is, “It doesn’t matter.”
In the last decade especially, the backbone of the LGBT movement in the social realm has been the argument that one is born into their sexuality or gender identity. It is easy to understand why when conservatives have consistently gone on the record saying that homosexuality is unnatural, including Mississippi Rep. Andy Gipson (R), who, in a 2012 Facebook post, insisted that homosexuality was “unnatural behavior which results in disease.”
Just last year, former leader of the American Family Association Bryan Fischer claimed on his radio show American Family Radio that “homosexuality is sexually immoral behavior.” Others have compared homosexuality to incest, zoophilia and pedophilia. The easiest response to these attacks is to say that I was born gay. The LGBT community embraces this claim. Lady Gaga wrote a multiplatinum single, “Born This Way,” on this very idea in 2011.
“Born This Way” is undoubtedly a wildly successful anthem for self-positivity and self-appreciation, but the problem is not in the merits upon which the song was written. The problem lies in the heteropatriarchy of our country, creating a sentiment among the LGBT community that it must explain itself. LGBT peoples somehow owe it to heterosexuals to explain their differences and convince them that these differences are valid. It comes down to the deeply rooted idea within American society that anything not straight, white and male must be explained on straight, white male terms.
Claiming to be born gay implies that my differences are only recognizable when they are proven to be unchangeable. It implies that it’s only okay for me to be gay because I didn’t choose to be gay, when, in reality, it is okay for me to be gay because it is an identity. It is my identity.
We must, as a society, avoid viewing homosexuality as natural only where it has been proven not to be unnatural. Heterosexuality, homosexuality and any other sexual identity must be accepted on the terms of its existence rather than on the terms of its proper explanation. I am here. I am telling you I’m gay, and that is more than enough.
Do you think you were born straight? Do you think that you chose to be straight? I implore heterosexuals to think deeply about these questions. How would you feel if you had to explain your every attraction for it to be accepted as right? How would you feel if a fundamental part of your experience as a human rested upon science hopefully one day finding the “straight gene” and finally putting the debate to rest? It is time, and has been time for quite a while, for our society to stop teaching an entire class of people how to effectively argue their identity, but instead how to effectively express it. My equality has no caveats, no stipulations, no asterisks.
I sincerely hope that the larger community of straight, white men in our country and around the world never have to explain their positions in society because it is an agonizing and emotionally-exhausting process. Women deal with it. People of color deal with it. The disabled deal with it. The LGBT community deals with it. To justify one’s identity is a devaluing experience and feels regressive in its nature. How can I expand as a person, fulfill myself, when I am stuck desperately trying to carve out and preserve a starting point, a central identity?
The progressive view on LGBT equality in the United States is no longer that gay is okay because Lady Gaga told us we were born this way. The progressive view is no longer that Andy Gipson is wrong. The progressive view on LGBT equality is that homosexuality, bisexuality and transness are unconditionally acceptable. Period.
