The lives of some of the most “wholesome” men and women on television were shattered by the news of Josh Duggar’s sexual abuse scandal throughout 2015. We have seen countless news programs and publications devote mountains of content to the Duggar family, even after TLC cancelled their viewer-pulling TV show, “19 Kids and Counting,” in July.
But for the first time in all of this shuffle, we have finally heard from Anna Duggar, Josh’s wife, who made made her first public statements since her husband’s scandal in a promotional video for her sisters-in-law Jill Dillard and Jessa Seewald’s new TLC show, “Jill and Jessa: Counting On.” In the promo, Anna called her family’s situation “heartbreaking.”
For those who don’t know, Josh confirmed in May that he had molested four of his sisters and a babysitter between 2002 and 2003, two of whom were Jill and Jessa. In August, Josh said he had been “unfaithful” to his wife when profile information from his Ashley Madison account became public after a site-wide security breach.
One victim was supposedly gearing up to sue Josh after these allegations came to the surface. The Daily Mail reported, “This means the family would be forced to reveal how long they were aware of the molestation and how often it occurred, all the other people and members of the church they told about Josh’s offenses who never came forward to law enforcement, and the relationship between [Josh’s father] Jim Bob and the trooper he eventually took Josh to see who scolded the boy but never filed a report, Joseph Hutchens. Hutchens is now in prison on child pornography charges.”
While The Daily Mail may not always be the most reliable of sources, all tabloids have eaten up controversy about the Duggar family. Now, Josh is allegedly being sued by porn star Danica Dillon, also known as Ashley Stamm-Northup, for assault and battery after they had sex twice this year.
Anna and her in-laws are well known for their devotion to God, likely through Quiverfull, a movement within Christianity that promotes procreation, although the Duggars have not formally identified as such. These children are taught to marry young. They are home-schooled and they wear extremely modest clothing. Before marriage, side-hugging is the only approved form of “sexual” contact until engagement, when hand holding becomes appropriate.
The Duggar family has faced criticism in the past for their extreme ideals — matriarch Michelle Duggar has even come out and said how important it is to give sexual pleasure to one’s husband. In her blog, she wrote that a friend had told her how to handle marriage.
“Anyone can iron Jim Bob’s shirt … But you are the only one who can meet that special need that he has in his life for intimacy,” her friend had said. “And so be available, and not just available, but be joyfully available for him. Smile and be willing to say, ‘Yes, sweetie I am here for you,’ no matter what, even though you may be exhausted and big pregnant and you may not feel like he feels. ‘I’m still here for you and I’m going to meet that need because I know it’s a need for you.’”
With this information in mind, it’s simply sad to imagine Anna might not have any choice but to stay with her husband. Many have also come out and called for Anna’s divorce from Josh. But many do not realize the trials she would face — divorce is forbidden in the religion she has been taught to follow for her entire life. And even if she could divorce, she has virtually no education. She has been taught to be a wife and mother for her entire life. If she were to divorce, her family would disown her long before Josh would be punished for his sexual abuse.
We can criticize the Duggars and those like them for what we see as destructive practices and the myriad of ways being raised in a household such as theirs damages a child. But what is more damnable is the fact that these people are only as important to us as they are entertaining. By producing this short series, TLC is neglecting the important moral obligation to use their resources to help these women and those like them. While TLC did produce a documentary with Jill and Jessa in August entitled “Breaking the Silence,” in which they spoke about their situation, the network is still interested in producing more content about the family simply because it draws in viewers.
In a June interview with Fox News’ Megyn Kelly, Jill and Jessa defended their brother’s actions, saying his victimization is “a thousand times worse” than his sexually abusing them. And most of us automatically detest this comment and Josh’s behavior. We hate that this man has gotten away with so much while the women in his life have suffered. It seems archaic and negligent — we recognize this whole ordeal as utterly horrific.
But in all honesty, as we sit here and judge, we are overstepping our role in this issue. We see these things as fundamentally immoral, but we must also respect that Anna’s decision to remain in her marriage isn’t within our reign of judgment. That is what makes discussing this whole conflict so inherently tricky — we want to do something to help Anna, Jessa, Jill and the unnamed victims in this situation, but at the same time, we really can’t do anything but let them decide for themselves.
This is a general problem we face with most people who are abused. We want to tell our beloved friend to leave her abuser, but the underlying issues within her psyche and her relationship are totally beyond our own realm of understanding. Of course we want her to leave, but the situation may be so much more complicated than that.
What we can fairly say about this particular situation is that this is ultimately a dangerous position and religion for any woman to be in. We cannot attack this religious sect as a whole, but instead we should remain sympathetic to those who have gone through similar and survived.
It will be interesting for us to see whether or not the women are appearing in this spin-off for a sort of empowerment or rather for exploitation of their situation. But if Jill and Jessa were willing to take part, it feels condescending to judge them for their actions. When one is a part of a 19-child family, there must undoubtedly be a sense of competition to be beloved in the eyes of others, even just in their own family and not on our TV screens. We can only hope that these women will at least bring awareness to sexual abuse, but even that seems unlikely, seeing as they do not view themselves as victims in this situation.
At the end of the day, the sad truth is that these women have to make a living, no matter the source of the money. And if the only way to remain true to their religious practices while bringing home a check to feed their families is to appear on TV and talk about their experiences, then so be it — but that is an issue for another time.
Very well said! Pray for Anna that she would be strong, confident and daring. I too was raised divorce is wrong, you make it work- I prayed and prayed, sought counseling, etc but was afraid. Then one day, enough was enough ( lies, , verbal abusive, manipulation, pornography, drinking and adultery- despite calling himself a Christian) I just walked away with my teenage children. No money, no job, but God made a way. 3 1/2 years later, divorced, and happy and my children are very proud that I divorced there dad. Divorce doesn’t mean the end of your life, sometimes it’s the beginning.
Anna the show should be about you not Jill and Jessica I also come from a very big family Anna you will never have that trust from Jose he will never change it will be very hard for him when you come from a big family Josh wount be the only one that have problem in the duggar family you gave him four beautiful child and he didn’t think of you or your children you have a lot of thinking to do as for Ben he lives on the duggar Jessica brings in the money from the show Anna you are a very strong person and God will take care of you and your children
Considering how much of the Duggars’ accumulated wealth comes from the generosity of the United States Tax Code as it pertains to the operation of religious nonprofits, I don’t think it’s overstepping to publicly voice the opinion that this woman should take those kids and run as far and fast as she can. She does have some family support – Anna’s brother has pledged to do whatever he can to help her get away from that whole rancid Duggar cult.
They have cultivated quite the cushy existence over the years, which has allowed them to cozy up to like-minded deeply conservative politicians.That access has allowed them to spread their simple minded agenda of remorseless and judgmental hate of anyone and anything that doesn’t fall in line with their aggressively stupid opinions and ways.
My tax money helps pay for those bigots, idiots and perverts to own their own private jet. Beating a public drum for a little comeuppance isn’t overstepping at all.
Anna looks so sad in many if the pictures coming out lately
Among the hundreds of comments concerning the Duggars,many positive towards Anna. I do wonder why nobody has mention the possibility of helping Anna financially. That is one thing we all can do for her:a few dollars,earmarked for Anna personally. It is a practical way to proove our care and concern for her and her small children. Only one concern is to make sure ONLY ANNA can use the money.
I dont live in the US,so i am not familiar with how to do this. But i am sure there are many of you who knows how to proceed with such a project.
Anna,I am very afraid for your children. any person who would do to his sisters what Josh did ,would do the same to his daughters.You need to keep your eyes open as what Josh has is a illness that penetrates right down to his soul.
Anna I wish you and your children all the best and will continue to pray that God will continue to guide you down the right path.
The Duggars pay taxes so not sure where that came from, they’ve also never gone to the government for help, they supported their family before TLC and they’ll do it after.
My problem is their reliance on men for support, my mom, who was far from a feminist, said every woman should be prepared to support her family in case something happened, abd that’s where these conservative families fail their daughters.
Anna, I love you sister in Christ.
You are a strong women. Your the ONLY-one that has NO fault.
I know what in awesome Christian women you are.
I also see the saddnes within you.
I know with our faith what it says about divorce. You may divorce if there is se
Sexual immorality,also he misrepresented himself. He is not who he said he was.
How do you even trust after that?.
Forever you will be rethinking this.
You are in a horrible place.
Why didn’t he confess to everything when he had the chance re; his sisters.
Thats right he didnt plan on his email getting hacked. You contined this behavior months later.
So,what does that apology mean? Actions speak louder then words.
How does that workout in regards to your sisters husbands. They had to do sidehugs. They were told everyone is pure.
God bless Ann
H
Leviticus 20:10 ESV
“If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.