My top artist of 2018 was Hannah Montana, according to Spotify.
And no, that is not a typo that’s supposed to say 2008. In 2018, my number one most-played artist was the former alter-ego of Miley Cyrus who wears a blonde wig, a plethora of sequins and costumes that would make any regular Justice shopper green with envy.
There’s a lot of personal analysis I could conduct after learning this unfortunate fact about myself. I could talk about how hilarious and utterly humiliating this is, or about the childhood nostalgia I was inevitably feeling in the summer of 2018 right before I left for college. However, I want to instead focus on the early 2000s time warp I seem to still be trapped in.
My workout playlist looks like the song lineup a DJ created for a middle school social. My Spotify account is riddled with classic Taylor Swift and Beyoncé jams, and my study music includes an unsettling mixture of Shakira and Coldplay.
I guess there’s something intriguing and scandalous about the middle school social atmosphere — we congregate in awkward circles near plates of chocolate strawberries and communal chip bowls as LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem” pounds in the background. Maybe I’m trying to prolong this cringe-worthy feeling for some reason.
Or maybe I’m trying to make up for the fact that I never owned a pair of coveted Heelys shoes. I mean, who wouldn’t want to roll on over to their neighbor’s house to play Club Penguin and watch “High School Musical” together? I was deprived of this, and now I’m stuck in a “Groundhog Day” situation, unable to escape the early 2000s.
Or maybe it’s just that Rihanna songs are unbearably catchy and I’m not ready to let go. I think that seems fair, don’t you?
Whatever the reason, catch me hopping through the snow-sprinkled streets in my Uggs, low-rise skinny jeans and Abercrombie graphic tee while playing Temple Run on my iPod Touch and clutching a messenger bag filled to the brim with “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” and “Percy Jackson” books.
What can I say? I’m just an “Ordinary Girl” trying to live “The Best of Both Worlds” and figure out where Hannah Montana bought all of those tiny scarves and cropped sheer, pink cardigans.