Feel Sexy For Yourself This Cuffing Season

Haley Alvarez-Lauto | Graphic Artist

My name is Nikki, and I love myself. 

I’m not cocky or narcissistic. I am genuinely proud of how far I’ve come on my journey to self-acceptance — it hasn’t been easy. After countless days of crying in front of the mirror, wishing I was someone else, I finally concluded that I can’t be, nor would I ever want to.

There’s an immeasurable amount of pressure on us to want a long-term relationship or be in one. This feeling is especially strong during the winter when TikTok couples are baking cookies and watching holiday movies. What people don’t tell you is that your relationship with yourself is the most important one of all. 

As RuPaul says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love someone else?”

Of course, therapy is a phenomenal method for healing deep-rooted issues that aid in struggling to love yourself. I’m also a big believer in doing the little things to make sure you’re feeling sexy and confident for yourself, and not for your romantic interests.

It may sound a little silly but I love splurging on lingerie. It’s not in a sexual way. It’s not for other people. I feel infinitely more powerful when I know I have the most beautiful matching bra and underwear set under my clothes. 

There’s nothing like the sensation of luxurious lace brushing up against your skin as you do your daily tasks. And the best part is, no one else knows that’s what you’re wearing. It’s your little secret.

Aside from lingerie, we underestimate the power that clothing has on our outlook. Whether it be your favorite pair of wide-leg jeans or the silky top you only wear on special occasions, wearing what makes you feel good is a huge confidence booster. Looking in the mirror and thinking, “Damn, I look good,” is a different type of euphoria that is simply unmatched.

Think about when you get ready for a night out with your friends. My routine of blasting Bad Bunny while doing my makeup is a hype-up like no other. I browse my closet to find the outfit that’ll make me feel the perfect amount of classy and sassy. 

While my aura is at its peak, I take selfies and post Tik Toks. That way, when I’m not feeling like the baddie I know I am, I can look back at them to remind myself I am the baddest of them all.

You could also go on a date with yourself. As someone with social anxiety, I understand how daunting it sounds to go eat somewhere or do something alone. But this has become one of my favorite things to do. 

I’ve gone to MFA and other museums countless times alone. I take my time carefully examining each masterpiece with no one rushing me, enjoying the blissful sound of silence. I then go to a coffee shop where I enjoy my afternoon cappuccino — perhaps with a pastry — and enjoy my time with myself. You need to be comfortable being alone with yourself. It’s not healthy to always rely on other people to keep you sane. When you spend time alone, you’ll realize that you’re fun to spend time with.

I understand you cannot mend the relationship with yourself in a short time. Trust me, it takes time, especially when factors like trauma and past heartbreaks come into play. It can be a long road to being your own biggest fan, but I swear it’s worth it.

In times when everyone wants to put each other down, lift yourself. Loving yourself is the secret ingredient to living your best life at your highest vibration. 

You deserve the world, and you better start treating yourself that way.


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