Dear Abby: Tell me, is it weird to want your boyfriend to put you on his Instagram? I got no post for National Girlfriend’s Day this year, and every time I ask him about it, he gets all weird. I don’t want to bring it up because then I sound like I’m forcing him, but shouldn’t he be proud to post me? Or am I just being dramatic?
Funny this topic should come up around the same time as National Boyfriend Day. It’s intriguing nonetheless — and something I’ve been waiting to talk about for a minute.
Some people love social media, some hate it and some hate to love it. No matter what your stance is, you’ve probably had some form of social media anyway. How could you not in the growing digital age?
Apps like Instagram provide an easy way to reach out to someone you’re interested in — “sliding in the DMs” is apparently something that never gets old. As it relates to the forming of relationships, social media can become a tricky element, and sometimes, a weapon.
While there’s not much hesitation to post with friends or pets, many of us drag our feet at putting our partners on our social channels. After listening to Sabrina Carpenter’s “Please Please Please” for about the hundredth time this week, I couldn’t help but wonder: Is it weird to not post your significant other? What complexities are involved in hitting that “post” button?
Hard or soft launch?
Couples who don’t totally rule out the “no social media thing” may face a unique challenge: How do you introduce someone you’re seeing to all of your friends and family on a public platform?
I get it, trust me, I do. Sabrina Carpenter had it right when she said, “I beg you don’t embarrass me motherf–,” I’ll let you finish the rest.
She’s got a point. Posting someone you’re seeing at the wrong time can be a major risk. What if you break up soon after? What if they do something stupid? What if they’re actually seeing one of your other followers?
Okay, that would be crazy, but no one wants that “hey girlie!” DM.
This has led a lot of people to get innovative with the way they integrate their new partner into their feed. Perhaps they’ll show just their hand, their backside — or if they’re lucky, a tag with a heart emoji. The “soft launch” as they call it, opts for the slow and steady approach.
Other people aren’t afraid to post photos of them and their partner hugging or kissing with no prior indication that they were dating. Thus, we have the “hard launch.”
Now, there’s no one right way to work your partner into your feed, and doing so certainly isn’t about creating “drama,” but rather having fun with a major life event.
Do what works for you, but I would advise you don’t put your person on blast digitally until it’s solidified — to some degree — in-person. Remember, your followers are real people, and they may ask you about it.
To delete or not to delete?
Some people are loyal Instagram users and never delete their embarrassing and heavily filtered pictures from 2012. Others opt to archive posts and people that no longer fit in their feeds or lives.
Sometimes, those of us who choose to feature our partner on our Instagram may end up breaking up with them. So, what are we to do? Is it weird to keep your past posted on your feed?
Well, it can be confusing and makes for an interesting scroll down memory lane. However, I would recommend that you archive the old pictures whenever you’re emotionally recovered from the official breakup.
I think clearing out past memories to make way for new ones is the easiest way to fully move on and respect the next person you see.
National couples day
“Did you get posted?”
It was a question many girls were getting asked last month in honor of National Girlfriend Day on August 1.
The more other partners saw other people posting their girlfriends, the more inclined they felt to do the same.
Hopefully, they did it out of the spirit for the holiday and not to avoid an argument, but the Instagram post train became quickly controversial.
If you and your partner are both regular social media users who have posted on the internet before, shouldn’t a post for a day like that be automatic? Shouldn’t you want to feature your partner amongst the other things on your feed that you love?
At that point, I don’t think your girlfriend should have to ask for something like that.
Now, some partners claim they want their relationship to be private, or don’t want everyone knowing their business, but I think it’s easy to tell when this is the truth and when this is just a cover up.
An Instagram story doesn’t say anything about the complexities of your relationship, but it does say that you’re proud to be dating them for all the ways they make your life more fulfilled.
My overarching point is if you didn’t post your girlfriend last month, don’t expect to get posted this coming month!
It’s about pride, not possession
On the other hand, I don’t think your incentive behind posting your partner should be rooted in establishing that they “belong” to you.
Like with any other post that features your friends, pets or destinations, you should feature your partner because they’re an important piece in the puzzle that is your life.
Now, before you start criticizing me, let me assure you that I’m not being superficial. An Instagram post or a Snapchat story will never be a good measure of true love. There’s nothing wrong with never wanting to post your partner, but consider whether that’s something that is important to them.
Just remember: It’s not worth being with someone who is afraid to love you out loud!
