We come to college to shed the versions of our past selves that have followed us throughout middle and high school. We are handed a new chance to start over, to become the person we always wanted others to believe we were. Personally, I’ve worked very hard to ensure that the Green Day-loving, Twilight-reciting version of myself is buried in the past. Although I still jam out to “American Idiot” and sometimes fall to the throes of teenage rebellion, I recognize that I have changed a lot since high school. These changes transfer over to my romantic endeavors, as the more I change as a person and my values solidify, so do what I look for in a partner. These changes, however, don’t happen without reflecting on the experiences of the past.
How much of our past should be valued in our present? Should the decisions we made freshman year be indicative of the ones we make today? Are the people that we are today reflections of the past selves we’ve run from, or the ones we’ve reflected upon? I believe that the choices and mistakes that we make compose the people we are today. We use these experiences to grow and learn, and if we’re lucky, abstain from making the same mistakes.
I believe, however, that there must be a balance between our past and our present selves. We should not let the experiences of the past dictate every decision we make in the present, but we also must not forget who we used to be. Like rings in a tree, we expand upon the years we’ve been living, never forgetting the years before but adding upon them.
My past dating experiences have made me cautious about future dating endeavors. I believe that dating is a process of trial and error, and more often than not I err on the side of error. The mistakes that I have made have not always prevented me from making similar mistakes in the future, but I have, in a sense, grown from them.
I have learned that if you date the boy in your poetry class, he’ll break up with you via poem. I have learned that boys hide lies behind their smiles, and even the ones who promise not to hurt you still can. I have learned that crushes come with caution, and good-hearted guys can be good for nothing but trouble. These lessons come from reflecting on the decisions of the past, and trying to learn from these experiences. Being cognizant of our pasts does not mean that we are abstained from repeating those mistakes. It means that we are more cognizant of the possible consequences, rewards and risks.
We carry the experiences we’ve had with us. The people we present ourselves to be are woven fabrics of our past and present selves. No matter how much we try to keep our mistakes, our follies and our heartbreaks in the past, they are as much a part of us as our success, our victories and our winning endeavors.
Although we carry the past with us, that does not mean we must let it define us. We can choose to change the behaviors we no longer agree with, change the way we see ourselves, change the way we would like others to view us. There is always opportunity to change, but it cannot happen without a conscious cognizance of the past and a steadfast yearning to be different in the future.
The past is an important thing to remember, but if I let every mistake I’ve made dictate how I was going to live my life, I’d never take any chances. The fear of being wrong, of getting hurt, or hurting someone are real fears for a reason. For me, these fears are rooted in past experiences. Reflecting upon these past experiences has made me more cognizant of possible outcomes, never forgetting the mistakes I’ve made, always trying to amend my behavior in the future. The past is as much a part of our character as our present, so we must reflect when it is necessary, learn when it is imperative and let go when we must.
Meredith loves telling stories and pretending to be Carrie Bradshaw, minus the man and comfy NYC apartment. She, however, eats enough brunch to cover all six seasons. When she's not drowning in 16th-century literature, she can be found lamenting over the bad grammar and bad boys in her middle school diary.
Find her on twitter @merewilsh or email her mwilsher@bu.edu with all your love musings or questions.
