When my best friend came to visit last week, we took some time to just hang out and catch up, listening to stories about the past few months. While I was getting into the details of some embarrassing thing I had done in the past 48 hours, she added her boyfriend on my Snapchat. I was confused at first because we had only met once, but I had gladly accepted this role. We were friends on Facebook and we even followed each other on Twitter. I knew that this meant my best friend wanted me to get to know him better. This made me question the place that I hold in all of my friends’ relationships. Of course, I am queued into all of the things that happen between my friends and their boo-things, and the power to screenshot and group message have aided this, but what role do I play? I face this question every time someone new is introduced.
Sometimes I believe these things can be confusing, mostly because I’ve had many roles when it comes to the relationships of my friends. In high school, it was very easy to be friends with whomever your friends were dating — they were most likely in your friend group as well. In college, things can get a little more complicated. If your friends go to different schools, you build a perception around the stories that your friends tell you. You typically aren’t able to meet the person as your friend is moving through the dating process with them. If your friends go to the same school, you see snippets of their significant other; passing them on the way to class, seeing them stop by the apartment or even hearing stories about them through your mutual friends. Either situation blurs the lines of what role you play in the relationship.
I have been on many sides of different situations when it comes to being clued into my friends’ relationships. I understand that my opinion is not the game-changer when it comes to other people’s relationships. I’ve met partners of my friends that I have not liked. I always struggled with being vocal about my dislike for the people that my friends date because I never know what my place is. On one hand, I always want better for my friends. There have been few people they have been involved with that I have not liked, but a look at my track record would prove I don’t always have the best judgment. On the other hand, I never know the full situation nor do I know the person they’re getting involved with. I do not think there is a definitive answer on how to handle a situation such as that. I think that sometimes the best you can do is offer advice where you can, and support when they need it. Something I have learned from my friends and their relationships is that the boys will usually come and go, but the friendships built upon shading these boys over frozen yogurt stay forever.
Meeting the significant others of your friends is a significant moment in all of your lives. We want our friends to be in the know about our relationships. When we care about someone, we want that person to be recognized by the other people that we care about. We want them to get along, hang out and be able to see what we see in the people we’re seeing. It is always hard trying to find a place in the relationships that you and your friends have. I have learned that we are all just trying to figure it out, and trying to get it right.
The relationships that your friends have can make for a complicated time for you. Sometimes you can offer advice based off of your experiences. Sometimes you offer advice that goes unheard, and sometimes you just have to trust your friends and how they perceive their relationships. When things fail, sometimes you just have to hold the “I told you so” that waits on your tongue. When things fail, you just have to be the support system that they need, and wait until the next one comes so you can repeat the cycle again.
Meredith loves telling stories and pretending to be Carrie Bradshaw, minus the man and comfy NYC apartment. She, however, eats enough brunch to cover all six seasons. When she's not drowning in 16th-century literature, she can be found lamenting over the bad grammar and bad boys in her middle school diary.
Find her on twitter @merewilsh or email her mwilsher@bu.edu with all your love musings or questions.
