Mind Your Business: Learning how to see our whole selves

“If I can just get through this week, everything will be okay. I can relax after this.”

I find myself repeating that same mantra over and over every week to no end. On the weekends when I do go out with friends, a small part of my mind is still thinking, “You still have to finish the homework for chemistry and study for calculus and write the paper for…”

The reminders are like an anchor to reality, keeping me from enjoying myself in the moment or cherishing the warm fuzzy feelings when I return to my room.

I sit on my bed, pull out my notebook and get to work. The stress that never completely went away builds up inside my rib cage and I fall back into my little bubble of to dos. In living for the future rather than the present, I’m caught in a blurred fever-dream of life.

And, as another less-than-perfect grade brands me, I let it reinforce the notion that my self worth is determined by my grades. Unfortunately, I’m not the only one putting way too much weight on how I do in school. Years of internalized messages from our parents, teachers and even peers have cultivated an oppressive environment, a society that prioritizes numbers and titles over the quality of someone’s character.

Sure, I might not be the best physics student. But, I’ve sat for hours on FaceTime with my friend to comfort them during a hard time. Yes, I haven’t figured out how to study efficiently, and I’ve fallen behind more times than I can count but, I’ve also spent days crafting individualized compliments for each of my classmates. 

There are so many other ways I can, and should, determine who I am outside of a student or prospective biomedical engineer. I am a cook, a writer and an artist. I am a friend, a daughter and the best friend to the greatest dog in the whole world. I am someone who is sometimes too overly enthusiastic, someone who cares about climate change and animal rights, and someone who is carefully perfecting their hugging technique. 

I am someone who scribbles little bits of song lyrics and poem lines that strike me at the oddest times of the day. I am compassionate, loyal, funny and sometimes, maybe, even a little bit wise. 

It’s important to remember that, though it may feel that way, the best versions of ourselves aren’t always found through academic or professional lens. Getting an ‘A’ on a paper cannot compare to the pure joy of seeing a friend after a long time or spending time with your family on a nice day. 

Life’s meaning is forged through human connections. We, as a society, put too much emphasis on perceived reputations: what job we have, what school we go to, our GPA, appearance, prestige, resumes and so on and so forth.

If you can do what you want and what makes you happy, no matter how subjectively “good” or “bad” you are at it, that should be enough. Having the courage to be your own person and make your own decisions, to forge a path different from what society dictates, to be kind, to love and be loved: that is enough.

Grand things and grand accomplishments are not the defining markers of a life well lived. It’s the smaller things in life that add meaning. Find happiness in the sunlight bouncing off your face, in your friend laughing next to you, in the exhilarating vastness of the universe. 

Many of us, caught up in the stress and anxiety of our daily lives, lose sight of the control we do have. In order to truly live a fulfilling life, you have to enjoy life at every stage, not just in the future, happiness stored away in the prospect of better days and impressive goals fulfilled.