EXCITABLE BOY: Rollin’ With The Hate

Last year, a friend of mine who was still a senior in high school came to visit me and check out BU. Before the tour guides could win him over with their sunny smiles and fascinating facts, I gave him the lowdown on some of my least favorite aspects of campus life. “There is no cable TV. You can’t have chicks spend the night in your room. Everything shuts down at 2 a.m.”

His response? “2 a.m.? Screw this! I’m going to D.C.”

Notice that TV and chicks didn’t even register when faced with the idea of a campus curfew. Oh sure, you don’t have to go to bed, but you do have to go home, or at least to someone else’s home. No more dancing. No more drinking. Just go home.

The question I ask is, “Why?” Why are there no 24-hour delis or cafes? Would these places not make a fortune once everything else is closed for the evening? When I first arrived at BU, I immediately staked out Deli Haus and IHOP as my late night hangouts of choice, noting of course that unless I wanted to wait in a line that extended halfway into Comm. Ave., I needed to get there before the clubs let out. So if it takes an hour to get a table, it would seem to me that these restaurants were doing exceptional business.

Now both IHOP and Deli Haus are gone. BU killed IHOP with its luxury hotel, and Deli Haus withered away for reasons I can’t understand (but I’ll blame BU anyway). We need an all-night diner on campus now more than ever — one that serves up hot, greasy fries, brownies the size of a large cat and scalding hot cups of coffee. Oh, and don’t forget deep-fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches and Guiness floats. Mmmm … beer with ice cream.

All-night diners aren’t the only things we’re missing here on campus. Where are all the video rental stores? Allston? Why is it so difficult to have a video store within five minutes of central campus? I remember when I would make the 45-minute round trip to Tower Records every weekend just to rent a flick. Imagine if it were located where Mailboxes Etc. is now! That place would be swarming with business. BU won’t let us watch cable, so the least they could do is give us a Blockbuster.

We also need a liquor store closer to campus. Granted, this is not something we’re likely to see due to BU’s alcohol policy, but I really hate running up to Blanchard’s every time I want a six-pack. There’s the Wine Press on Beacon St., but I avoid that place like the plague. I already pay enough for beer around here, and I don’t need a bunch of crap from the people behind the counter when I do end up buying drinks.

What happened to Lynch’s Liquor in Kenmore? I loved that place. It was a five-minute walk from Bay State Road, Sam Adams was cheap and they had a great variety of characters working there. There was the big, fat guy who had a stale cigar stub surgically embedded in the corner of his mouth; the weird but friendly bald dude who looked like Steve Buscemi’s cousin, and some regular-lookin’ Joe in his 20s. That’s sitcom material if you ask me. The best part was they knew me so well they didn’t have to badger me for ID every time I wanted some suds.

My guess is that BU had something to do with the demise of Lynch’s, much like the fate of Deli Haus, and regardless of what anyone says otherwise, I will continue to blame them. After all, they want to turn Kenmore Square into some yuppie paradise, where a normal student can’t afford to shop or eat and probably wouldn’t want to if he could. They must do some kind of survey every year, asking kids walking by, “Do you enjoy spending time in this store?” and then when the kids answer, “Yes,” they check a box marked, “Tear down immediately.”

Now that almost everything in Kenmore I once held dear has been demolished, I am left with some of the most horrid commercial establishments that I can think of: the Gap, Barnes ‘ Noble, University Computers, Citizen’s Bank, Pizzeria Uno and now, of course, that damn hotel. I am obviously slamming all of these places without solid evidence, but I could easily write an essay on each one, so just roll with the hate here.

I wish I had some brilliant idea for solving this growing dilemma, but the only thing I can think of is to avoid these stores I loathe so much, which I already do. Perhaps if everyone else does the same, things might change for the better, although I have serious doubts anyone will heed my advice. Whatever happens, just don’t touch Nuggets. If I can’t buy rare David Bowie on vinyl without having to go across town, I am out of here for good.