HAGEN: A bitter shot to swallow

I have invented a new drinking game called “Potable Prejudice: The Gibson and Paladino edition.” The rules are that I give a quotation spoken or action taken by either the Hollywood actor and all-around psycho Mel Gibson or by the New York gubernatorial candidate and Tea Party member &- so basically, all-around psycho as well &- Carl Paladino. If the answer is Gibson, take a shot and shake your head over how ridiculous he is. If the answer is Paladino, take a shot and than shed a single bitter tear over the state of the American political system. Shall we begin?

First up, who drunkenly uttered the profoundly anti-semtic retort, “Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world”? If you answered Gibson, then take a swig of Manischewitz for the man who is clearly an actor and not a historian for a reason. Next, which of these two morally upstanding men stated, “I don’t want [children] brainwashed into thinking homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option &- it isn’t”? Have a sip of your apple-tini if you guessed Paladino! On a side note, he is right that homosexuality is not an equally successful option, as long as bigoted people like him still exist. Finally, which man circulated emails depicting Barack and Michelle Obama as a pimp and a prostitute and another one of a woman engaging in acts of bestiality with a horse? That’s right, potential future New York state leader Carl Paladino! You are exempted from taking a shot since I assume all of this is probably enough to make you throw up by now.

Obviously both Gibson and Paladino are two very intolerant men, but there is one crucial difference &- their levels of influence. Gibson is an actor who lives in the make-believe-world of Hollywood. Very few American citizens really take him seriously. Paladino, however, is a public figure and he believes that his views are supposed to reflect those of the citizens of New York. Perhaps even more worrying is that if elected, these views will influence legislature and society. I laugh at the thought of Mel Gibson but I shudder at the thought of Carl Paladino.

Paladino’s campaign strategy is fairly simple &- to offend regardless of race, gender, religion, social class or sexual preference. He has accused a school superintendent of getting his job simply because he is black and then justified his statement by claiming he does not believe in political-correctness and that “I go after all of them. I don’t care if they’re a Dago or a Polack.” Here is a good tip to remember &- when attempting to prove you are not racist try to avoid using ethnic slurs in the defense, it actually kind of works against you. And according to Paladino, what should we do with the poor? Send them to jail of course! Defunct prison facilities can be used to house those on welfare because according to him, “These are beautiful properties with basketball courts, bathroom facilities, toilet facilities.” Because that’s all people want these days &- a place to shoot a game of horse and relieve themselves.

He has compared the State Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver, who is an orthodox Jew, to both the anti-Christ and Hitler. In referring to gay pride parades he stated, “I don’t think it’s proper for [children] to go there and watch a couple of grown men grind against each other. I don’t think that’s proper, I think it’s disgusting.” Although honestly I thought he was maybe talking about a party he attended at preacher Ted Haggard’s house. He does seem to care an awful lot about the children and his supporters see him as a real family man. He is obviously the ideal candidate to hold up this moral framework of America &- he has the loving support of his faithful wife of 30 years, his two successful grown children and his 10-year-old love child. That is one big, happy model family there indeed.

Paladino claims he is speaking for the average citizens who are ” angry about our incompetent, dysfunctional government that pays no attention to the desires of the people.” He asserts he is fighting for the voter who feels disenfranchised, who feels unsatisfied with their options and who feels disconnected from the government. The problem is in actuality, he is not. In fact the people who are most desperate for politicians to hear their voices are the ones he wants to round up and place in facilities, thus separating them even further from society. He is alienating the voters who want civil rights and who need more legislation to bring equality. Paladino released his statements on homosexuality two days after an incident in which three Bronx men were detained by a gang and horrifically tortured for being gay. Wherever this man is living he must be with Mel Gibson because it is not in reality.

Paladino boasts, “I say that unequivocally I will be a governor for all the people of the state of New York,” but I have a feeling he will be the governor only for the tiny portion of the New York people who share his gender, race, religion, sexuality and income level. While this nation has, unfortunately, had a long history of rewarding power to politicians like this in the past, it no longer sounds like a “valid and successful option” to me.